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Haven also means “the garden” in my native language, and I thought it fit, so suck it).
A Real Shitfest
E-grade required way less food than a normal pre-system human, after all, and so far in D-grade, Jake had yet to feel any hunger. Well, except a hunger for good challenges, but that was a bit of a different thing.
Finesse had many forms, be it swordsmanship or painting. Ultimately, both were about control, conviction, and the ability to execute techniques accurately. All these things had only become more true when the system arrived.
Lighttail Monkeys weren’t the strongest individually, but fighting a crowd of them was what, in the hunting industry, was called a very bad time.
Jake had no interest in going after the young ones. He was no sand-hating youngling slayer, after all. Besides, he didn’t have a laser sword.
Now, did Jake have any idea if he could even steal the banana tree? No, not at all. How to properly move it? Of course not. Was it possible it could only grow within this temple, and he would just kill it? It sure was. Did he one hundred percent bank on his valley counting as an area with "intense amounts of mana" due to the Pylon? He sure did. Was Jake one hundred percent taking a chance as he decided to dig up the entire tree and relocate it to outside his lodge just to get a cool-ass banana tree? Yes. Yes, he was.
"Do as you would with anyone else. Do not make enemies because you fear the unknown. The system has brought us here as equals—as humans—so treat them as such.
At least he’d killed Abby as mercilessly as anyone else, despite being a woman. A champion of equality right there.
4X was an abbreviation of Explore, Expand, Exploit and Exterminate,
The other option he liked was the Treasure Hunt. Why? Well, it was in the name. Jake liked treasures, and he liked hunting.
Jake still vividly remembered the ambush that had nearly killed him back in the tutorial. If he were ever put in a similar spot, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill every single fucking person involved, consequences be damned. If he were worried that there would be retaliation, Jake would just rely on the nugget of wisdom from the Viper… Become strong enough for them not to dare and try anything.
Being somewhat dead didn’t make one any less of a person.
"Who cares?” Jake asked, shaking his head. “We’re all just Earthlings and mortals; why care that someone has another eye color and a bit better death affinity?" Sure, it was oversimplified, but he really didn’t give a shit. Heck, his best friend was a snake, and his two other good friends were birds. Oh, and his kind-of niece was the cutest baby hawk. Well, soon-to-be teenage hawk.
In the eyes of humanity, he might be evil, but in the eyes of the multiverse, no one cares.”
In the end, we’re all monsters leaving mountains of corpses in our wake, so trying to judge who has the least bad corpse-mountain is just moronic in my opinion."
All competent doctors would agree that death-shrooms were a part of a healthy diet.
Jake had begun a new diet called SHIT, I GOTTA HURRY UP AND EAT THAT FUCKING BANANA BEFORE IT DISAPPEARS! DAMN YOU, TIME TREE THAT ISN’T ACTUALLY A TREE!
The battle was about to begin, and Jake just couldn’t wait to butt in and fuck shit up for all parties involved.
The troll defended a mushroom. Bad guy. The Deepdwellers practically worshipped mushrooms. Even badder guys. Jake hated mushrooms. Good guy. It was just math.
Where did these dungeon creatures come from, where did they go, where did they come from, Cotton E—
He sighed. Today had been another failure… He would just have to try again later. Over eighty eras, he had tried. Trillions of years. More than one hundred and seven million failures. But the Malefic One still refused to give up.
It was just a normal day in the village. The Deepdwellers spent it covering themselves in mushroom spores, praying to mushrooms, infusing energy into mushrooms, tending to mushrooms, talking about mushrooms, and thinking about mushrooms. Their evil acts had attracted a hero of justice. One who had come to put an end to their villainous ways. Justice would be swift and effective, but more importantly, highly explosive.
you would have had to actually talk to other people to learn about it—something we both know has a very low chance of happening.”
Jake continued raining down destruction like he was a western superpower and the Deepdweller village was a poor but oil-rich country.
Villy had told him that humans could have ten pieces of wearable equipment bound at once. With Jake’s two rings, necklace, chest, legs, boots, bracers, mask, cloak, and gloves, he had those ten.
anyone trying to look anonymous and mysterious like that stands out like dog shit on a newly mowed lawn.”
Event horizons looked dope in pictures, and seeing one in person would be awesome.
Small snake eating a mushroom? That could be funny. Oh, what if I added a plaque below saying ‘danger noodle’? Yeah, that could totally be funny.
The only natural occurrence of Jake’s arcane affinity was Jake.
"There is no issue that cannot be solved with oil, duct tape, and arrows," Jake stated matter-of-factly.
If he just went around killing anyone who did stuff he disagreed with, he would be busy killing people who thought putting canned cheese on anything was acceptable.
He understood that happiness and power were often tied together in this new world,
