Gravity

by Tal Bauer

I'm allowed to, now. I'm allowed to bring my dreams and desires into this world.

He kisses me tenderly, his hands on my face like I'm something precious he has to hold and caress.

I can't breathe. I can't think. I can only cling to him. Who we are is blurring. Where does his body end and mine begin? Do I care? Non, he is everything I need. I can fall to pieces in his arms.

I am Bryce's biggest fan. He's the brightest star in my sky, a man I look up to not only as the best athlete in my sport, but because he is an incredible human being.

“Will you be my date when we win Cup?”

“I want to hoist the Cup over my head with you at my side.”

I nod and press my lips to his. “I'll be right beside you.” I smile. “Mon capitane.”

“I'll see you in my dreams,” he breathes. “Dors bien, mon coeur.”

Bryce: Slava is snoring very angrily.

He fits in my arms like he was made to be there.

“Je veux être avec toi pour toujours.”

“Moi aussi, je veux être avec toi pour toujours.”

“Tu me fais tourner la tête,” I tell him. “Je brûle de désir pour toi,” he breathes.

If my life has led me to one destination, it's here. Not to hockey, but to him. I'll make love to him until the stars fall from the sky.

“Je t'appartiens.”

Hunter plops down next to me on the bench, and MacKenzie makes room for him like the most junior member of the team coming to squat beside his capitane is nothing to bat an eyelash about.

Hunter kisses my shoulder blade. I feel the shape of his smile on my skin.

He kisses me everywhere, his lips like rain on the side of my face, the back of my neck.

Hunter's voice is shivering midnight. Darkness that caresses my body. Kisses laid directly against my bones.

“Oui, mon coeur. Je te veux. Je te veux.”

“Je suis à toi,”

“Tu es tout pour moi.”

I am me. This is exactly who I want to be.

okay camp rock

Nous sommes faits l'un pour l'autre.

And Hunter. Somehow, he ended up beside me, and when I turn to him, I realize he's not gazing at the crowd, and he isn't soaking up the adoration. He's looking at me.

“You going to play hockey tonight, or you just going to skate around and make eyes like you're in love?”

I love this team. I love all of my brothers. And I love one man most of all.

Loving Hunter is turning me into the best version of myself I can be. It's like I'm finding depths and openings and room to grow inside my soul, parts of me expanding and unfurling as I discover I am more than I thought I was.

Happiness fills me until I think I'm going to burst, and when I believe I cannot be happier than I am this moment, or the next, or even the next...

J'ai trouvé le grand amour.

“I love you,” I breathe. “I love you, Bryce.”

Bryce is alone in his room. He looks small and still on the hospital bed. Unnaturally still. When we sleep together, he's like a cat. Always trying to move closer to me, or slide into my arms, or nuzzle against my shoulder or my chest or my cheek. He likes to sleep on his belly or his side, and he throws his arms around my waist so he can hold on to me all night. He never sleeps like this.

“We're together.” My voice is an impression of sound. I kiss Bryce's palm and fold his fingers around the memory of my lips. “I love him.”

The world made sense when we were together.

Our night in the snowstorm, when he sang his song to me, and when I scraped together my courage and confessed to him that I'd made a mistake. That I didn't want to put us in the past. That I wanted a now and a future with him, and I wanted everything. All of him, and me, and us together. Kiss me again. Please.

Kiss me again, Bryce. My God, please, open your eyes. It's been six hours and thirty-one minutes. Please, please, open your e...

I lean in and kiss him on the lips, this time surrounded by our teammates. Our family. And when I pull back, everyone is beaming.

I'll cradle his hopes and keep them safe until he can take hold of them again.

I'll build scaffolds for his dreams, too, and I will lift him on my shoulders until he can touch the stars.

“If you want any, you'll have to lick it off his lips.”

Bryce: Mon amour, it's agonizing to be here while you are there. I want to be by your side every moment of our lives. I wish I could place my heart and soul in your hands and live forever as close to you as I can be.

Me: You are with me each and every moment. My heart is in your hands. My heart, my life, my everything. Put your hand on your own heart, mon amour, and you'll feel mine beating next to yours.

Me: I'm watching you sleep and holding your hand. My fingers are on your pulse, and I'm watching your chest rise and fall. Bryce, I have never in my life been as terrified as I was yesterday. I thought you died in my arms, and my biggest regret was that I hadn't told I loved you yet. So I'm going to tell you every day now: I love you. I love you, and I want everything with you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Then I heard your voice, and I heard you say, ‘I love you,’ and, somehow, I could breathe again. Barely, like I was trying to suck oxygen out of bubbles under the ocean, but I could. The world came back, and I saw your face. I heard you say it again. ‘I love you, Bryce.' That's all I remember, until I woke up with you sleeping on my thigh in this hospital bed. At the darkest, most petrifying moment of my life, you were there. You have always been there.

Tu es la lumière de ma vie. Tu es l’homme de mes rêves, de ma vie. Tu es tout pour moi.

I have something I need to say to you, but I want to say it. So as soon as I am able to speak again, I will. I'll hold your hand and I'll look you in the eye, and I'll tell you. Because I do, Hu...

“For Bunny.”

The only thing Ottawa has to decide is how they want to lose.

Bryce is smiling and misty-eyed. He grabs me tight and kisses me hard when I lean in, and the team catcalls and wolf whistles us as I cradle his cheek and deepen the kiss.

“I love you,” I whisper. He draws a heart on my chest and kisses the center of it.