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love a parent feels for a child is strange. There is a starting point to our love for everyone else, but not this person. This one we have always loved, we loved them before they even existed. No matter how well-prepared they are, all moms and dads experience a moment of total shock, when the tidal wave of feelings first washes through them, knocking them off their feet. It’s incomprehensible because there’s nothing to compare it to. It’s like trying to describe sand between your toes or snowflakes on your tongue to someone who’s lived their whole life in a dark room. It sends the soul flying.
“It’s hard for a mother to admit certain things, Benjamin. I noticed that you didn’t meet us at the police station. I noticed that you didn’t come round to the house. That you didn’t go to the meeting this evening. I…” She very quickly puts her forefinger and thumb to her eyes, swallows hard, whispers. “Ever since you and Kevin were small, every time the two of you caused any trouble, the teachers and other parents always said it was you who started it, and blamed the fact that ‘you have no male role model.’ And I’ve never known what to say to that. Because I’ve never heard anything more
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She looks him in the eye and he lowers his gaze, her fingers take hold of his chin and force his face up again. So that the son has to look at his mother. Until she knows. This family doesn’t lose. But they will know.
There are few words that are harder to explain than “loyalty.” It’s always regarded as a positive characteristic, because a lot of people would say that many of the best things people do for each other occur precisely because of loyalty. The only problem is that many of the very worst things we do to each other occur because of the same thing.
They’re an army, and they need an enemy. So Amat creeps out into the hall and puts his jacket on. He’s not going to let Zacharias get beaten up for his sake, and he can’t risk anyone trying to break into his mom’s apartment in their hunt for him. When Zacharias comes back into the room, his best friend is gone. Out of loyalty.
He swipes and bites and drags his way through the horde of bodies, but this isn’t a fight, it’s an assault. He’s already bleeding by the time he hits the snow.
their lives, girls are told that the only thing they need to do is their best. That that will be enough, as long as they give everything they’ve got. When they themselves become mothers, they promise their daughters that it’s true, that if we just do as well as we can, if we’re honest and work hard, look after our family and love each other, then everything will be all right. Everything will be fine, there’s nothing to be frightened of. Children need the lie to be brave enough to sleep in their beds; parents need it to be able to get up the next morning.
But the street is silent. Because it knows the truth. Just like she does. And she has never felt more alone.
“I’m not going to let the bastards win, I’m not…” “We have to live, Mom. Please. Don’t let him take my family as well, don’t let him take all our lives. I’m never going to be okay, Mom, this is never going to be properly okay again, I’m never going to stop being afraid of the dark, ever again… but we have to start trying. I don’t want to live in a permanent state of war.”
“We can move, darling. We can…” “No.” “Why not?” her mom cries. “Because this is my fucking town too,” the girl replies.
“Will you do something for me, Dad?” “Anything.” “Build a better club. Stay and make the sport better. For everyone.” He promises.
Ramona pats her cheek. “This town doesn’t always know the difference between right and wrong, I’ll admit that. But we know the difference between good and evil.”
And that you respect a crazy bitch who walks in here without being afraid. No matter who she is.
There’s only one piece missing. And that boy is standing out there on the ice now, with his lips pressed against another boy’s. David feels like he’s been kicked in the gut.
jokes were about blondes, sometimes they were about people from Hed, sometimes they were about gays. They all laughed. They looked at each other and they laughed out loud. They were a team, they trusted each other, they had no secrets. Yet even so, one of them did. The last one anyone could have guessed. It’s a betrayal.
the boy didn’t dare tell his coach his biggest secret. That’s betrayal. David knows it’s a huge betrayal. There’s no other way to explain how much a grown man must have failed as a person if such a warrior of a boy could believe that his coach would be less proud of him if he were gay. David hates himself for not being better than his dad. That’s the job of sons.
Down to his very marrow, David wishes he could drive back to Hed, take the boy in his arms, and tell him that he knows now. But he can’t bring himself to unmask someone who clearly doesn’t want to talk about it. Big secrets make small men of us, especially when we’re the men others have to keep secrets from.
His life will be successful, he will achieve everything he’s ever dreamed of—career and success and titles—he’ll coach unbeatable teams at legendary clubs in several different countries, but he will never let any player in any of them wear number “16.” He will always keep hoping that Benji is going to turn up one day and demand his jersey. There’s a hockey puck on a gravestone in Beartown. The writing is small, so that all the words can fit. Still the bravest bastard I know. Beside the puck lies a watch.
“You could… come too…,” he finds his mouth saying, even though his heart struggles against it. He doesn’t want to hear the answer. Doesn’t get one anyway. Benji stands up and starts to put his clothes on. The bass player sits up, lights a cigarette, smiles sadly. “You could move away from here, you know. There are other lives, other places.” Benji kisses his hair. “I’m not like you.” When Benji heads out into the last snowfall of the year and the door closes softly behind him, the bass player thinks how true that is. Benji isn’t like him, but he’s not like the people who live here either.
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He will think he’s imagining it at first, that the shadows are playing tricks on his eyes. For a moment he will even think he’s just so tired that he’s hallucinating. He will slow down, his chest heaving. Wipe the sweat from his face with his sleeve. And only then will he see the girl. The shotgun in her hands. Death in her eyes. He’s heard hunters describe the way animals behave when they fear for their lives. Only now will he understand what that means.
She crouches down and forces him to look her in the eye as she says: “Now you’ll be scared of the dark, too, Kevin. For the rest of your life.” In ten years’ time the parking lot will be full of other people. Kevin’s wife will be pregnant. Maya will be standing a few yards away, with every possibility in the world of ending his life. She could walk right over and say what he is, humiliate and annihilate him in front of the person he loves most. She will have all the power in that moment, but she will let him go. She will not forgive him, she will not pardon him, but she will spare him. And he
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you’ll have much better opportunities to develop there.” Benji gives a nonchalant shrug. His answer is as short as it is uncompromising: “But I’m from Beartown.”
Adri and Sune come after her, ready to hold the girl up, until they realize that there’s no need. The four boys at the center circle will build a new A-team next season, but that doesn’t matter, because in ten years’ time it won’t be their names that make the people of this town stand taller. And they’ll all lie and say they were here and saw it happen. The first skate of the girl who will become the most talented player this club has ever seen. They’ll all say they knew it even then. Because people recognize the bear around here. Cherry trees always smell of cherry trees.
