It Was an Ugly Couch Anyway: And Other Thoughts on Moving Forward

by Elizabeth Passarella

If the wildness and brokenness of the past few years have taught me anything, it is that whatever you think is solid in this world will shift, and that includes your strongest-held opinions about yourself.

She had lived through a marriage that wasn’t always easy, because no marriages are, and she had raised children, which shatters you in a million ways. Be compassionate and gentle with her, Susie told me. I did not listen. But I get it now.

The longer I’ve lived in New York, the stronger my attachment to Memphis and the Deep South has become, because I don’t want to lose that part of myself. I hold on tightly to my friends who still live there, yes, but also to specific barbecue restaurants and old buildings and even the vacations I took as a child to the Gulf Coast. I could never love a different South than my South because there was only so much room in my heart.

It’s one of my favorite qualities of hers, the ability to thrive in new circumstances without making a big fuss about it. I write entire books about my changing identities. She just gets on with enjoying her life and doesn’t care what anyone thinks about her business.

there are three groups of people in this world when it comes to having children: those who know definitively that it’s not for them; those who know definitively that it is; and those who assume they are in the second group, due to societal expectations or the ignorance of youth, but realize after the fact that they could be happy either way yet now can’t say anything, because the kids are listening.

Being able to say, “I was at your wedding,” is reapplying adhesive to all the old friendships that have slid away.