Paris: A Memoir for Young Women in the Age of Influencers

by Paris Hilton

Fuck. I’m trying not to say fuck all the time. I don’t want to wear it out, because it’s such a good word for so many occasions. Noun. Verb. Job description. Fill in the blank.

Intrusive thoughts are my nemesis, cutting through my joy even when I’ve been part of an epic event with people who lift me higher

Skin care, if you’re doing it right, means claiming a moment of tenderness in an abrasive world. You remove the mask—your brave face, your funny face, your enforcer face, your hard candy coating—and see yourself, cleansed and replenished, and it’s like, “Okay. I’m good.”

Same with cigarettes. You may as well hit yourself in the face with a shovel.

Ceci n’est pas une pipe. (“This is not a pipe.”) Back in 1929, people looked at it and said, “Erm, I know what a pipe is, mate, and that’s a pipe.” But it isn’t a pipe. It’s a painting of a pipe.

Time is the most valuable natural resource we have.

I was embarrassed by it, and I have a pathological fear of embarrassment. I was afraid that if I shared that story, the next question would be, “Why didn’t you speak up at the time?” and I had no answer for that. That’s one of those questions that shifts blame onto someone who shouldn’t have to own it. Like “Why didn’t you scream?” Or “Why didn’t you kick him in the balls?” There’s no answer to these questions other than, “Why don’t you go fuck yourself?” I admire the courageous women who stepped up and called him out, but every woman who went through something with him—and others like him—has the right to process it in the way that works for her. No woman should be shamed for taking care of herself.

Creepy behavior is about the creeper, not the person being creeped on.

“Success is never final. Failure is never fatal.”

Advocacy work has taught me that “silence means assent”; if you don’t speak up when something is wrong, it’s the same as agreeing with it.

Am I standing by these choices? Would I make the same choices again, knowing what I know now? Of course not! None of that reflects the person I am now. People evolve. We have the capacity to learn. And we all make mistakes when we’re young.

No woman, famous or not, should be forced to discuss her reproductive health with strangers. Robbing a woman of her right to privacy is a physical and psychological assault. People who do this kind of thing don’t want to think of themselves as rapists, but that’s what they are. Rape isn’t about sex; it’s about power. Sexualizing an assault is the most effective way to make a woman feel like rest of the world is judging and condemning her—which is usually the case.

When I was younger, I thought “rise above it” meant swallowing negative feelings, pretending nothing was happening. That was the way my parents operated, but now I see how buried pain and anger can damage your soul; the only way to resolve it is exposing it to air and sunlight.

For the first time, I saw that Letterman interview and the MTV monologue in the context of an entire culture that reveled in the degradation of young women, and there was just no way to bury it anymore. I understand the “don’t give it oxygen” thing, but there’s a point where you end up cutting off your own oxygen as well. I finally let go of that idea and spoke for the first time about that incredibly painful moment.

Girls like me assumed we would be judged and belittled. We expected girls to be sexualized and then condemned for their sexuality, punished for both silence and speaking out, told we should accept responsibility for our choices and then called crazy or stupid or slutty if we didn’t live by the rules other people chose for us.

Follow your curiosity. It’s calling you toward your true purpose.

Don’t waste energy living a life someone else designed for you. Life is one per customer. Let them do theirs. You do yours.

I know we’re supposed to spin terrible things to make it sound like they were actually good, but that’s bullshit. That heart attack did not save your life. Cancer is not a gift. Your abuser did not give you strength. Terrible things are terrible. Let’s just acknowledge it. If you found strength, wisdom, or a new way of thinking, that’s awesome, but notice that the strength, wisdom, and new worldview came out of you, which means it was all there inside you to begin with.

Terrible things can go fuck themselves, but I like to think that everything happens for a reason.