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“I just hope you understand that unfortunate things like this are going to happen throughout your life, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to not live up to what’s expected of you.”
“Mr. Mulligan, Les was the only sibling I had, so I actually don’t foresee this happening again. As much as it seems like it happens repeatedly, she can only kill herself once.”
I don’t want to forget that my inability to protect either of you is why I’m the only one of us left. I deserve to be reminded every second that I’m alive that I let both of you down, so that I can be conscious not to let myself ever do this again to anyone else.
So she goes to public school. I might just be rethinking my educational decision after all.
You quitting school is just giving in. You’re proving everyone that’s ever doubted you right.”
make me want to fast-forward whatever’s going on between us. Because I want to kiss her and make love to her and marry her and make her have my babies and I want it all to happen tonight.
But then we’ll be out of firsts, and the firsts are the best part. Good thing I’m patient.
Because if you’ve never felt anything when someone’s kissed you, then no one’s ever really kissed you. Not the way I plan on kissing you.”
“I’m good at being me,” she says. “Especially when I’m with you.”
“This isn’t me saying yes, Holder. This is me saying please.”
Stop placing blame on yourself for everything bad that happens to the people around you.”
he’s the only one that’s ever done that to me.” She lifts her eyes to mine again. “I need you to take that away from him. Please.”
I’ll do whatever it takes to ease her pain. Whatever it takes.
I’m having a hard time with this because everything that’s happened to you is breaking my fucking heart and I have no idea how to help you.”
“Fuck all the firsts, Sky. The only thing that matters to me with you are the forevers.”
When I touch you, I’m touching you because I want to make you happy. When I kiss you, I’m kissing you because you have the most incredible mouth I’ve ever seen and you know I can’t not kiss it. And when I make love to you—I’m doing exactly that. I’m making love to you because I’m in love with you.
I used to think the best part of me died with Les, but the best part of me is standing right here in front of me.
she’s okay and you walking away from her that day was the best thing you could have done for her.
hope you never allow yourself to believe I went through with it because you failed me in some
way. All those nights you held me and just let me cry… you have no idea how many times you’ve already saved me.
but sometimes even all the love in the world from mothers and brothers isn’t enough to help pull someone out of their nightmare. We just need to accept that things are what they are, and all the guilt and regret in the world can’t change that.”
I take both notebooks and I wrap them in the pair of jeans that have been on the floor for over a year and I place it all in a box. A box I keep.
I don’t watch her die again. I watch her smile.
In order to miss someone, that means you were privileged enough to have them in your life to begin with.
