Carry On, Jeeves

by P.G. Wodehouse

‘If half of what he has written is true,’ said Florence, ‘your uncle’s youth must have been perfectly appalling. The moment we began to read he plunged straight into a most scandalous story of how he and my father were thrown out of a music-hall in 1887!’ ‘Why?’ ‘I decline to tell you why.’ It must have been something pretty bad. It took a lot to make them chuck people out of music-halls in 1887.

You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.’

‘Look! Palace of Beauty!’ I tried to choke him off. I was getting a bit weary by this time. Not so young as I was. ‘You don’t want to go in there,’ I said. ‘A fellow at the club was telling me about that. It’s only a lot of girls. You don’t want to see a lot of girls.’ ‘I do want to see a lot of girls,’ said Biffy firmly. ‘Dozens of girls, and the more unlike Honoria they are, the better. Besides, I’ve suddenly remembered that that’s the place Jeeves told me to be sure and visit. It all comes back to me. “Mr Biffen,” he said, “I strongly advise you to visit the Palace of Beauty.” Now, what the man was driving at or what his motive was, I don’t know; but I ask you, Bertie, is it wise, is it safe, is it judicious ever to ignore Jeeves’s lightest word? We enter by the door on the left.’

‘Bertie,’ he said, ‘one moment. I will stand a good deal, but I will not stand being expected to be grateful.’

‘You would be out of what I might describe as the danger zone there, sir.’

Danger Zone!