Bring Me Back

by Kristen Granata

“You’re shitting me.” A giggle escapes me, and I clamp my hand over my mouth. “You’re a cop? The man who broke into my house is an enforcer of the law?”

“We all carry around the weight of our traumas and try to survive. We do what we have to in order to cope.” I glance up at the night sky. “It’s not us who’s fucked up. Life is fucked up.”

“And if you tell me to just relax, I’m going to kick you in your balls.” He grunts. “People tell you that often?” “It’s as if we didn’t already think of relaxing. Like yes, Martha, thank you for that very helpful advice. The next time immense, uncontrollable fear seizes my body, my lungs constrict, and I stop inhaling oxygen, I’ll be sure to remind myself to fucking relax. What a revelation.”

“No. That’s not what I meant at all. Your body is… you’re…” My feet slow on the porch, and I turn around to meet his worried gaze. He scratches the back of his neck as his eyes trail down my body. “I mean, you’re perfect.”

She’s alone. So, I watch her until she lies down and cries herself to sleep. I’m with her in this moment, even if she doesn’t know it.

“It’s nice to be back. Sounds weird, but I miss this place.” “It’s not weird at all. It’s common for patients to miss the safety and security of a place like this.” Drew holds up his marked wrists. “Can’t imagine I’ll miss this.”

Me: Why not? I’m protecting people. Phoenix: But who’s protecting you? Me: I protect myself. Plus, my partner has my six. Phoenix: Your six? Is that cop code? Me: It means he has my back. Phoenix: Then I have your six too.

Regardless of what you’ve been through, you’re still standing. That seems pretty damn strong to me.”

She flips through the pages, and her eyes widen. “You are full of surprises.” I take her book. “On the Way to You. You said there’s some mystery in here too?” She nods. “Kandi Steiner’s writing is so beautiful. It’s such an emotional story. I cry every time I read it.”

And all I can think about for the rest of the night is the fact that I almost missed this. My life was almost cut short, and I would’ve missed out on knowing James. On falling in love. On this second chance at life. And for the first time, I’m so damn grateful that my mother found me and got me to the hospital in time.