. I mean, what if this all could have been prevented if I’d . . . done something different?” It’s sort of absurd, isn’t it? How we grab on to facts and consequences looking to blame or exonerate ourselves? This has nothing to do with him. I chose to go home with Gabby and Mark because that’s the choice I made. Nine billion choices I’ve made over the course of my life could have changed where I am right now and where I’m headed. There’s no sense focusing on just one. Unless you want to punish yourself. “I’ve looked at this problem up, down, and sideways,” I tell him. “I’ve lain in this bed for
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