Hot and Badgered (Honey Badger Chronicles, #1)

by Shelly Laurenston

Berg grabbed each side of his attacker’s face and squeezed with both hands . . . until the man’s head popped like a zit.

“Why is she still our responsibility?” “Because she’s our sister and we love her and if we don’t watch out for her, she will get involved with the wrong people, and destroy the world. Is that what you want?”

The pair stared at each other, Max sizing him up, making sure he was telling the truth until Livy threw up her hands and demanded, “Is no one else concerned about what the fuck she’s using to make those cookies?”

Max glanced at her sister. “What do you know about Queens?” “I know about lots of places. Been to lots of places. You’re not the only one who travels a lot, Maxie MacKilligan.” “You travel from lab to lab and mental hospital to mental hospital. Not exactly like you’re taking in the scenery on your way to and from.”

“I don’t shift,” Charlie whispered to her cousin before moving away and saying loudly, “But I will say that my sweet baby sister has been off her meds for almost . . . twenty-four hours now.” Unable to help herself, Charlie smiled. “And. Stevie. Is. Anxious.”

“What about bear spray? Does bear spray work?” “Why are you asking?” “Why aren’t you telling?”

“Do you . . .” She turned to her husband. “Does she skate?” “We need a new enforcer. And she’s mean.” Max grinned. “I am mean!” “I think she’s a serial killer,” Livy added . . . for some reason. “Look at that smile,” she said flatly, pointing at Max. “That sick, disturbing smile.”

Charlie briefly paused to backhand Dee-Ann Smith, sending the She-wolf flipping down the hall.

“Interesting. And what position is the enforcer?” “It’s not really a position. Not an official position. It’s just the player that kicks the ass of anyone who plays dirty or fucks with team members who aren’t as fight-y.” Max was quiet for a moment before she said, “I could do that.”

Dutch, despite the pain it caused to his ribs, crouched in front of Dee-Ann and said, “If you go near my friends with anything but a job offer and a smile, the last thing you’ll have to worry about, Smith, are the MacKilligans.”

Charlie crouched down and spoke to him. Her voice so low, Britta couldn’t understand what she was saying. But she could guess. She could guess that Charlie was making it clear the beating he’d gotten from Max was nothing compared to the one he’d get from Charlie if he came sniffing around her sister again.

“Charlie did this to you?” Max asked. She looked him over. “Why? What did you do?” “What did I do?” “Charlie’s not me or Stevie. If she beat the shit out of you, it’s because she thought you deserved it.”

“No. You two are used to military rules of engagement. We’re MacKilligans. The only rule for us is to leave no witnesses.”

All these women . . . they weren’t just shifters. They were bear sows. Something that seemed to concern even the She-wolf.

“Did your bear friends just use that woman’s children as shields?” “Not at all. I know Stephanie. She’s a big multitasker. She brought her kids because she’s trying to do a lot of things at once.

Berg smiled down at Charlie, but then frowned. “Charlie. . . are you okay?” “Yeah. Why?” “You look like you’re in pain.” “Oh.” She motioned behind her. “Stevie’s attached herself to my back. Her claws are digging.”

No, when Ric studied the damage done to both women, what he saw was a beating. A harsh, you-pissed-me-off beating.

“Okay,” the weasel sighed in frustration, “one more time, with feeling, for the backseat . . . I didn’t betray you! I was trying to get you bitches a job. Well, at least one bitch. And that job has an employer-match IRA and artery care. You won’t find those kinds of benefits in

“Because we’re not bears. I’m barely badger. Stevie’s more cat. Max is irritating.”

“I love how your Christianity only comes into play when you don’t have a rational argument for something you don’t like.” “I

“So, let me sum up—we’ve got one vote for total annihilation and one vote for forcing them to join the hockey team. Am I correct?”

“How the fuck do you steal over a hundred million and still have no goddamn money?”

“You know”—she put her hand to her chest—“I’m not afraid of you at all.” “You shouldn’t be.” He grinned. “I’m very nice.” “And so cute!” She grabbed his cheeks with both hands and twisted. “Like a big stuffed toy!” “Uh . . .” “Hey,” Max said from behind her, “Dad’s getting in an argument with some bears. I’m really hoping they kick his—Stevie! What the fuck are you doing?” “Isn’t he cute?” Stevie demanded, her fingers still on Shen’s face. But then her sister was next to her, slapping her hands down.

Terrified at what she might do next, Max rushed over and grabbed her sister around the waist. She lifted her up and carried her out of the living room and into the kitchen down the hall. Max dropped her and spun Stevie around to face her. “I’m going to say this once: Stay away from the panda.”

“And just so you can relax, I paid three of the Mueller boys down the street to drive him to Philly. They’ll drop him in the middle of the Southside; he’ll have to fend for himself there.”

“Yeah,” Berg muttered, “lots to do. Like look at porn online.” “Don’t judge. Sometimes one needs to check out bad homemade porn to feel alive.”

“Sorry,” Berg said when Max rolled her eyes. “But your face. It’s freaking us the fuck out.” “Don’t apologize to her,” Stevie said. “She deserves what she got. Leave the porcupines alone, Max!”

“So which of you crazy cunts were involved in the jewelry heist last night?”

Bernice was almost out of the chair again, but one of the huskier cousins literally sat on her to keep her down.

Max looked at her sister and admitted, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening because you’re boring the fuck out of me.”

“What the hell does that mean? You don’t love me?” “Of course I love you.” She glared at him and added, “Idiot. But I’m just saying, if you’ve chosen to fall in love with a MacKilligan, after everything you’ve seen . . . then that is on you. I will not take responsibility for your continued poor decision making.”

“One favor, though . . . could you tell your baby sister to stop . . . hugging me?” “Absolutely. But do you really mind?” “No, and that’s a problem. Because she’s not actually interested, she just thinks I’m cute. Like a stuffed toy. That can only end badly for me.”

“Hey! Crazy!” she yelled up to the trees. “Leave the giant panda alone!” “But he’s so cute!” “You’re making his dick hard! Stop it!”