Hot and Badgered (Honey Badger Chronicles, #1)

by Shelly Laurenston

“The hotel room of some big-time penis was just violently invaded.” “It’s pianist.” “Yeah. I said that.” No. He hadn’t.

“Ahhh, our dear Fräulein MacKilligan.” “Doctor MacKilligan,” Charlie corrected out of habit. And, when Max raised an eyebrow at her, she reminded her sister, “She worked hard for those PhDs.”

Female grizzlies were the most feared among the shifters.

“You know,” Stevie noted, “we could kill her here and bury her and no one would ever know.” She frowned, shook her head. “I guess that was a horrible thing to say.” “No, sweetie. It was just a honey badger thing to say. Nothing to worry about. I say honey badger things all the time but never do them.”

Especially when Stevie could go from zero to hysterical in six seconds. She was the Ferrari of panic.

Charlie couldn’t help but smile. “It’s you,” she cheered. “My giant, helpful blur!”

“So you can barely see and you can’t smell anything . . . but you can clothesline your sister?” “I’ve been clotheslining my sister for a very long time now. And trust me when I say she deserved it.”

“Wait a minute.” He held up his hand, palm out, his head cocking to the side before he asked, “Your father’s dead?” Crossing the middle and forefingers on both hands, Charlie raised them and said with a big smile she truly felt, “Here’s hoping!”

“The house was originally built for black bears. You’ll find a few fox homes down the block . . . I practically have to crawl through their doorways.”

“Not everyone’s like your father. I made the deal, it’s solid. Just don’t do anything stupid.” “But . . . we’re MacKilligans. All we do is stupid things. And I can’t let them take my sister.”

He couldn’t see the oldest one taking such a risk. She was so protective of the other two. Everyone in the family knew that about Freddy’s girls.

Some men managed to make it out the door, climbing over each other. No longer were they a smart, elite unit of killers. Not after meeting the MacKilligan sisters.

“And a little duct tape on the gunshot wounds will stop the bleeding.” “You’re not a headlight on an old Chevy,” Berg told her.

She was a widow whose polar bear husband had been nearly eight feet tall, and together they’d had six giant children who were scattered all over the world trying to help with global warming to assist the full-blood polar bears trapped on melting ice caps.

“If I were you,” Livy called out, “I’d find the little sister before you go looking for the big one. If you don’t have the little one, the big one is going to flip the fuck out.”

“I love how your Christianity only comes into play when you don’t have a rational argument for something you don’t like.”

“So, let me sum up—we’ve got one vote for total annihilation and one vote for forcing them to join the hockey team. Am I correct?”

Charlie snapped her fingers. “Stop it,” she ordered. “How do you do that?” Berg asked when both younger sisters immediately fell silent. “Years of training and abuse, my friend. Years of training and abuse.”

Stevie had also gotten out and had climbed the closest big tree, where she nonsensically hissed at no one in particular.

I’m calling Will and telling him exactly where you are! I will have all the MacKilligans looking for your dumb ass! And when he cuts your heart out, I will dine on it with a good Scottish ale, you worthless son of a bitch!”

Max isn’t nearly as much of a psychopath as the social worker said because otherwise, she wouldn’t feel any guilt at all. At least that’s what I tell myself. All the time.”

Dag took it upon himself to get the neighbors to disperse, although Max heard a few of them ask if Charlie was upset enough to start baking again.

Charlie frowned. “I thought you guys were at practice.” “That was practice with Novikov. Then we come here, get a little snack, and go to the rink a couple of streets over so there’s no sobbing.” “I couldn’t help it!” one of the players announced, pacing away. “He was really mean to me.”

Charlie jumped up to block the sow, but Berg placed his hand against her hip and advised, “You’ll never stop her.” “But she doesn’t have to—” “It’s not about ‘have to’ for Britta. It’s about her infinite will.”

“Yes?” she asked the young man standing there. He sighed, shook his head. “You still don’t remember me?” “I should?” “You just saw me a few hours ago. I’m Cooper.” When she continued to silently stare, he added, “Mr. Needy?” “Oh! Kyle’s brother.” His gaze rolled up and he took several deep breaths.

Without thinking, only instinct, Stevie arched her back and jumped back about ten feet. Then she scrambled over a wingback chair and pressed her body into the corner. Britta gawked at her before stating, “I don’t know what the hell that was. But we’ll not discuss it. I’m here for your father.”

He spotted Berg and leered at him again. Berg pointed at the dog, then used the same finger to draw a line across his throat.

But the biggest issue is that even among the honey badgers, the MacKilligan family is not exactly welcome. It’s as if most of the badgers are torn between hating and fearing them while also finding some of them laughably pathetic.”

“Um . . . thank you? But short of locking Carrie in a dungeon and only releasing her for the wedding so that we can drag her down the aisle by her hair, I’m not sure—” “That’s an option,” Bernice cut in. “See? Already we’re brainstorming.”

Not wanting to risk touching the dirty alley floor, Stevie climbed up Max’s back until she could look over her head and watch Carrie too.

Berg drove for about five minutes before he pulled over in a tow zone and stopped. Staring straight ahead, he asked, “What the fuck just happened?”

Charlie tapping away on her phone. Then, finally, Britta asked, “How old were you when you started keeping that dossier?” “I guess I was about fourteen. Why?” “Just wondering,” Britta replied. She stared out the window and muttered again, “Juuuuust wondering.”

Big tables in the middle of the room had whole wolf packs and lion prides. The groups roaring and snarling at their enemies as they ate.

She wanted to stay here as long as she could, letting Berg Dunn twist her around his big fingers like the finest bread dough.

“What are you doing?” she demanded, in no mood. “Get in here.” “You closed the door in my face.” She headed toward the kitchen. “Not on purpose.” “That does not make me feel better. Especially when you made sure the dog got in.”

She shoved Max, who flew toward Berg. He stepped aside and Max continued through the doorway.

Dag was refusing to give up the honey, so Britta went to the cabinet over the refrigerator. She opened it and Stevie, who’d gone inside there when the roaring started, handed her another jar. “This one is infused with lemon.” “Oooh. Yum. Thanks, Stevie.”

Berg didn’t know what to say when the lion male began the conga line.

“You’re making the world of science very sad,” Charlie told her sister. “I’m not giving up science. I am science.”

“Of course I love you.” She glared at him and added, “Idiot. But I’m just saying, if you’ve chosen to fall in love with a MacKilligan, after everything you’ve seen . . . then that is on you. I will not take responsibility for your continued poor decision making.”