Hot and Badgered (Honey Badger Chronicles, #1)
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“Let’s just be glad that we made it back to the States without killing each other or getting arrested. Let’s enjoy this moment for what it is.” “The death of our father?” Max asked. Charlie glared at Max for a moment before they both raised their arms in the air and cried out, “Hurray!”
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“She’s completely sober right now, which tells me one thing.” Vic gazed down at her. “Which is?” “She’s a serial killer.” “Because she . . . smiles?” “Yes.”
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Stevie abruptly grabbed Berg’s T-shirt and brutally ordered, “You stray-dog this, Berg. You stray-dog this!”
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“What, Malone? You fuck a bear on the regular and you think you know what all other bears will do?” Malone thought a moment before replying, “Yes. Yes, I do. And do you know why, Air Bud? Because I am awesome.” She giggled. “God, I love me. Don’t you love me?” “No.”
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“Well, dude, what did you expect? You had to know once Charlie found out, she was going to be pissed. You’re just lucky she only beat the shit out of you.” She paused, then added, “You’re lucky you still have your arms.” “Ungrateful. You’re all ungrateful!”
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“I love how your Christianity only comes into play when you don’t have a rational argument for something you don’t like.”
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“So, let me sum up—we’ve got one vote for total annihilation and one vote for forcing them to join the hockey team. Am I correct?” “Yes,” both females replied.
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“You’re like one of those Russian bear trainers.” “Yeah. It’s great until they suddenly turn on you on live TV and rip your scalp off.” “You do know we’re right here?” Max asked.
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“If I wanted someone dead, I’d hire Max.” “Awww,” Max said, gently touching Bernice’s forearm. “That’s sweet.”
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“I love Kyle, but if I had to date that boy, I’d put a pillow over his head until he stopped moving. And that would be a great loss for art, don’t you think?” Charlie nodded and told her sister, “I love your sound logic.”
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“But tigers are man-eaters . . . and you’re half tiger.” Stevie stared out the front window for several seconds ruminating on that bit of information before admitting, “Dear God. I’m terrified of myself.”
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“Nothing is going to happen to me. I’ve got you and Charlie.” She leaned in a bit and, after glancing at Britta, she whispered, “And I’m surrounded by man-eating bears.” “Says the man-eating tiger.” Eyes narrowing on Britta, Stevie barked, “Stop freaking me out with that!”
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“So now I’m beholden to bake all the time for demanding bears?” “You can’t give wild animals food and then take it away.” Stevie pointed a finger at Charlie and snarled through gritted teeth, “So if that means you need to bake, bitch. Bake!”
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Realizing she wasn’t getting what he was asking her, Berg just closed his eyes and came out with it, “I love you and I want you to stay.” Charlie let out an annoyed sigh. “Well . . . that’s all on you.”
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“Of course I love you.” She glared at him and added, “Idiot. But I’m just saying, if you’ve chosen to fall in love with a MacKilligan, after everything you’ve seen . . . then that is on you. I will not take responsibility for your continued poor decision making.”