She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner)

by Ian Kerner

Hite Report on Female Sexuality, I was reassured to find that women consider oral sex to be “one of their most favorite and exciting activities; women mentioned over and over how much they loved it.”

As the founding editors of Men’s Health magazine, Stefan Bechtel and Laurence Roy Stains, so succinctly put it in their book Sex: A Man’s Guide, “Studies show that three fourths of men are finished with sex within a few minutes of starting. But women often need 15 minutes or more to become sufficiently aroused for orgasm. And therein lies a world of rage, grief, and airborne pots and pans.”

Eighty-two percent said having their husbands pleasure them orally was very satisfying; the next highest activity, intercourse, was rated very satisfying by only 68 percent. The women reported that during intercourse they reached orgasm about 25 percent of the time. But they reached orgasm 81 percent of the time during oral sex.

The simple fact is that male orgasms come easy. Masters and Johnson dubbed it “ejaculatory inevitability” and the late Dr. AlfredC. Kinsey, famous for interviewing thousands about their sex lives, declared that 75 percent of men ejaculate within two minutes.

Studies, like those by Kinsey and Masters and Johnson, have concluded that among women whose partners spent twenty-one minutes or longer on foreplay, only 7.7 percent failed to reach orgasm consistently.

Masters and Johnson broke down the process of sexual response into four stages: Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm, and Resolution.

In a Kinsey study of female sexual response, only 11 percent of the eight thousand women surveyed said that they stroked their breasts during masturbation (compared to 84 percent who stroked their clitoris or labia minora).

Dr. Kinsey found that 95 percent of the women he studied climaxed far more often through masturbation than during genital penetration.

This observation was corroborated by Masters and Johnson, who found that over 90 percent of women were able to experience an orgasm through masturbation.

• The stimulation of ten key hot spots: clitoral head and hood; mons pubis; clitoral cluster; front commissure and clitoral shaft; frenulum; labia minora; vaginal entrance; the fourchette perineum; the anus • Over the course of six key stages: the first kiss; establishing rhythm; developing tension; escalation; preorgasm; orgasm • Using three main “actors”: tongue; fingers; hands • And a variety of “supporting actors”: gums; penis (optional); sex toys and restraints (also optional; see appendices)