She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner)

by Ian Kerner

Fantasize, separately: Keep in mind that there are those fantasies we share aloud, and others we keep to ourselves. Respect each other’s privacy, and never be threatened by what’s in her imagination.

“At times I find it’s harder to talk about my fantasies than my actual sexual experience. What I do sexually is the product of many factors, not all of them sexually motivated. But what I imagine doing is pure—pure in the sense that the image comes wholly from within, from the soil of the subconscious. The land of the fantasy is the land of the not-done and wished for.” (Tisdale)

When approached safely as a lighthearted, playful activity, restraint is a fun, guilt-free way of acting out dominance roles and expressing healthy sexual aggression.