Poems for the Signs

by Michaela Angemeer

i'm finally starting to learn that who can do the hurt first without getting hurt in return isn't a competition i want to win

falling in love is cloud nine dancing in your underwear good morning texts giving someone the ability to make you cry

one day, i promise there will be someone you can let in who will keep you safe once they're inside

i thought i would always love you but while i was standing in the sun you kept looking for shade the more i nourished the more you withered i tried to make us last longer emptied my cup to fill up yours until i learned that there’s no point in watering something that doesn’t want to grow

it’s ok to go slow all that matters is that you’re in flow

i've always found it so hard to stitch myself together even though i have all the parts

you can understand where someone is coming from and still not accept how they treat you

i am not a good person or a bad person my morality will never be black and white my soul is a rainbow you can make a million colours from it and all of them are beautiful

i was raised on guilt and shame i’m just trying to be myself again

truthfully, i find it so difficult to know who wants the real me and who just wants to feel seen

sometimes we put wishes onto people that they aren’t ready to make come true

why did i let you in you can’t practice vulnerability on someone who’s never felt their feelings why did i try to go deep you weren’t comfortable in my ocean too many waves for someone who never learned to swim why didn’t i see that i was the one giving everything and you were stuck inside yourself too scared to be anything other than numb

sometimes the best thing you can do for the people you love is take care of yourself

the only thing that changed is i stopped waiting for a partner to live my life. bought myself flowers. took myself on dates. real dates. dressed up for fun. journaled in the park and enjoyed my own company. went on vacation. a three hour drive for one. a three bedroom cottage for one. planned dinners. shucked corn. barbecued. lit candles. ate. did the dishes after. talked to mother mary in the lake. took pictures in the hot tub. lit incense every morning. practiced gratitude every night. read two books in two days. watched the sunset on the dock. learned i can live a full life filled with love even if i haven’t found someone to share it with. i can find joy in every day even when i’m alone.

i've never been adulterous i pinky promise and my fingers aren't crossed there's just something so romantic about being in love with someone who has no pressure to reciprocate your feelings wait, did i say romantic i meant pathetic i've been single for seven years cause i'm trying to break the pattern let me love someone with capacity let me love someone with willingness let me love someone who wants to love me

you linger when you're gone and i'm not afraid to wash the sheets because you always come back

i’m sorry that your first heartbreak was from someone who was supposed to love you the most. you deserved to feel love as soon as you came to this earth. i’m sorry that the people who were supposed to take care of you couldn’t love you in the way you needed. i’m sorry that everyone you’ve ever loved has hurt you. i’m sorry that you find it hard to love knowing that it always ends in heartbreak. but i hope one day you are loved the way you deserve to be. and i hope one day you can love yourself like that too.

i was in love with a cancer but never told them always a little too obsessed with aquarians capricorns see my heart but would rather have my stinger aries drive me wild leos always taken sagittarius are for someone else to tame pisces remind me too much of my brother virgos, my mother i loved a taurus so much it almost ended me made up a whole life with a libra i met once i'm two-faced enough as a gemini rising and scorpio on scorpio baby, that's a crime

will you still love me in the winter when my skin is dry my lips are chapped and my smile is less bright when i sleep in a little longer and go out a little less when some days i can’t make you laugh when some days all i do is cry will you still love me when some days i don’t want to wake up at all

if i'm being honest i don't think of you much anymore and i hope you're doing ok but now i know that people come and go with the seasons but how they made you feel is there to stay

saturn’s almost done its round not without casualties i took a few of its rings on the way and it took a few chunks out of me now i am made of craters now i am the moon

i do not have to give all of myself to get what i want

it’s not that i don’t want to live it’s that i don’t want to live right now i want to see the next part so i know this part is worth it

maybe everything dark has something to show you maybe the absence of light does not mean hope is lost maybe it’s an invitation to let your light shine brighter maybe it’s trying to show you that you have stardust at your fingertips maybe everything you touch will turn to gold

at least you taught me that i wasn’t going to find self worth through intimacy