Poems for the Signs

by Michaela Angemeer

are you in love or are you just scared of being alone

i know we know this is better for both of us i know no love was lost and trees can’t grow when they’re planted so close but sometimes it’s sad to lose your person sometimes it’s sad to be alone

one day, i promise there will be someone you can let in who will keep you safe once they're inside

and the only question i can seem to answer is how can i make myself feel more numb

i turned everything into love for you

i just want to feel safe enough to fall in love

i kept dating in the hopes that someone else’s body would keep me warm but all i got was cold feet

i have been programmed by the stars and my mother to see the worst in things

you can understand where someone is coming from and still not accept how they treat you

what is reality and what is part of the narrative my anxiety invented

hush little baby don’t say a word everyone doesn’t hate you the sky is just falling and they’re busy picking it up

i am too considerate of people i’ve never met

i was raised on guilt and shame i’m just trying to be myself again

my loneliness is a coping mechanism protection from rejection

you weren’t comfortable in my ocean too many waves for someone who never learned to swim

i am done with maybe loves love is not for maybes romeo didn’t drink half the poison juliet plunged the sword all the way in it’s time for full-fledged love i deserve something definite

this time i didn’t tell my friends this time i didn’t save your number this time i didn’t think about the future this time i didn’t cry this time i felt nothing

your words were beautiful but an empty promise is just a lie that hurts more

i wrote a letter to my future love put it under a candle made a wish six months later i opened it up read the words aloud let out a sob when i realized i had become everything i wished for

how do i learn and grow without judging myself

my life is beautiful but i can only focus on the spot on the wall

sometimes i wish i could just take my head off put it on the bedside table go through the day with a little less awareness find freedom in not having to think find peace living in my body instead

hush little baby you wrote too many words momma’s gonna buy you a mirror just like hers

not committing might be less scary giving up might be easier but if you never put down roots you will never grow

what if you loved like you’ve never been hurt

i will go to your wedding in all black nails and lips painted midnight too i will shout i am mourning the loss of what we could have been while she cries in white

how can i date for fun when i always end up in tears

babe are you ok? you haven’t even touched your existential dread

can this be the last time i read a birth chart on a first date can this be the last time i admit i don’t talk to my mother can this be the last time i pull away from a first kiss can this be the last time i say this is how much i am can this be the first time someone tells me it’s not too much

i’ve been hurt by everyone who was supposed to love me unconditionally no wonder this heart is cracked no wonder i keep cutting myself trying to pick up all the pieces

how do you start a relationship without seeing it end in your head first

i started holding other people to the standards i hold myself to turns out no one could meet them either

i wanna kiss you on new years promise you won't disappear at midnight

there’s so much to be sad about when you’re trying to fall in love

what if i’m not a sad girl anymore what if i’m the happiest i’ve ever been

after all this time i have to be close to love