Making a Scene

by Constance Wu

Everyone gets bullied or hurt in some way during their childhood. Kids can be cruel. It’s a normal part of life. Childhood is a testing ground for what type of person you want to be, and part of that is trying things out, including cruelty, and seeing how it feels. Does it make you feel better? Or worse? Powerful? Or full of regret?

I wonder if our culture tends to sympathize with accused men because their bafflement over the accusation is often so genuine. When men don’t listen well, they might mistake the ways a woman covers her fear (giggles, silence) for consent. So for him, it’s very clear cut. Whereas the woman? Her claim is filled with shame and guilt and regret over things she didn’t say or do in the moment, for fear of making a scene.

I’ve thought ahead to how life will be when she’s gone. I guess I won’t have to think about finding a bunny sitter every time I leave town. There will be no more litter boxes to clean. I won’t have to sweat nervous buckets every time I clip her nails. But I’ll miss those bunny kisses. The way she smells like sweet, clean hay. Watching her relax in the sunlight.

Why had I been worried that removing her eye would make her less lovable? That’s not how real love works. If someone stops loving you when your body changes, then they just don’t understand real love.

There are no shortcuts for the true things in life. You have to sit through the discomfort. Sometimes, you have to sit through it for a very, very long time.

My friend Jack once told me about the time he traveled alone with his nine-month-old baby on an airplane. So many strangers came up to him in the airport, asking if he needed help, commending him for being such a great dad, alone with his baby, like he was a hero. How many mothers were on their own at that airport traveling with kids? Where were their medals?