Making a Scene

by Constance Wu

whenever I reached a breaking point—the accumulated feelings avalanching out of me in tears or tantrums—I found that to be ineffective too. No one heard my words; they only heard the tone and responded by saying things like “Whoa, you’re intense” or “Calm down” or “Why can’t you just be grateful?” Patronizing, reductive phrases that made me feel even worse.

(Constance, trying not to cry and full of horrible feelings she doesn’t understand, snatches her hand away.

Sometimes it’s hard to know if an apology is meant for the receiver’s benefit or for the apologizer’s own selfish gratification.

Stereotypes are not harmful for their mere existence; they’re harmful for their reduction of a person or group.

That old Bible scripture Forgive them, for they know not what they do. But instead of forgiving those who know not what they do, I think we ought to just tell ’em what they did.

She wasn’t yet ready to bear the insults and derision that follow when women make scenes. And I wouldn’t make her to do something before she was ready.

All that stuff at the beginning of the relationship, the thrills and passion and attraction and drama… sure, that’s wonderful, and I’ve called that love before. But real things don’t have shortcuts. Those sublime whirlwind weeks often feel like love, but real love doesn’t truly happen until the wind dies down and everything becomes a little plain. That takes time. So time, and everything that happens in it, is probably where you find real love. Forgiveness is somewhere in there too.

There are no shortcuts for the true things in life. You have to sit through the discomfort. Sometimes, you have to sit through it for a very, very long time.