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July 16 - July 21, 2023
Dreams. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt like I had any. What was I searching for? What did I want in life? I didn’t know.
Well, I wasn’t lying. I was exhausted. Exhausted from the first day of school, exhausted from always trying to be positive and happy all the time, exhausted because I didn’t know what I was doing with my life, and I didn’t know where I was even going to start figuring that out.
When did I become so discontent with my routine? No matter what I tried, it just felt like it wasn’t enough.
“I’d much prefer to meet the love of my life in more of a… Unique way.”
“He was so nice it was boring.
“I’ll always make time for you.” And damn if that statement didn’t make me feel all warm inside.
She felt like mine in my arms.
I knew it was possessive, the way I felt for her, but I couldn’t help it.
“You’re really asking me why Noelle? You’re going to make me say it? After last night?” He shook his head at me.
I leaned in closer, my lips next to her ear, and I spoke slowly against her skin. “I don’t want to forget how you feel in my arms, Noelle.”
“So kiss me again, Matthew,” she said, intertwining her fingers through the hair at the base of my skull. “And tell me how much you want me,” she pleaded. “Ask me to come inside.”
“Don’t let your fear of losing her keep you from going after what you want, Matthew. And if that’s her… just tell her.”
“Just shut up and take my clothes off,” I growled, tugging on the bottom of his sweater,
“If we’re doing this—and we are—it’s just us. Noelle and Matthew, not anyone or anything. Okay?”
I had to make her realize she couldn’t live without me, just like I had realized I couldn’t live without her.
“So good for me, sweetheart,” I praised, “on your knees, taking me so deeply.”
“I’m pretty sure that I’ll never get sick of eating you, my sweet girl.” I gave her a wicked little grin, letting the implications of my words sink in.
I am enough,
“What am I going to do with you? Little brat.” I flicked her nose. She stood up on her tiptoes to speak directly into my ear. “Fuck it out of me,” she said,
I had always, every year, just holed up in my apartment and not let anyone see me. I didn’t want them to see me like this.
I was still brokenhearted—I probably always would be—but now, all I wanted was to celebrate life instead of mourning their death.
