Fumbled Hearts (Tender Hearts #1)

by Meagan Brandy

“Do you have any idea what it does to me when I see another guy even look at you?” I growl, desperate for her to hear me. “Or when Parker-” cut myself off, shaking my head at her slack-jawed expression and try again.

“Put you and any other guy in any possible equation,” I raise both my brows, “and it all ends the same for me. Jealous as fuck. No matter what you’re doing. Talking, walking, fucking sitting next to each other without even looking in each other’s direction, and I fucking see red, Kalani.”

“I want to be with you Kalani. Me and you, and no one else,” he tells me gently.

“I want you. All of you. Every stubborn and determined inch of you. I think you want me the same way.”

“Let me wake you up, Kalani.” My eyes flutter closed as the soft words I’d spoken to my grandfather flow through me. “You can go to sleep... I’ll wake up for you.” Opening my eyes, I look up at Nate.

“Just so we’re clear. You’re mine, as in only mine?” He nods. I nod as well, before turning to head back to the house. “Whoa.” He jumps, snagging my retreating hand. “Where you going?” he questions, his brows furrowed. “I don’t share, Handsome.” I shrug, jerking my head in the direction of the party. “Figured it best to let Olivia know that now.”

“If you’re mine…” “I am.” He squeezes my ass, pulling me even closer. “Then I’ll always fight for you.”

“Parker’s my friend, and I’m his.” Nate doesn’t say a word. “He’ll be around awhile, probably forever, and I won’t deny him when he needs me.” I pause on purpose, making sure he’s hearing me. The tick in his jaw tells me he is. “Unless you needed me more.”

“We did. I’m yours. You’re mine.” I pepper kisses on his lips, whispering, “It’s a done deal.”

“It means your everything is mine, Kalani. All of it…” he says, his finger tracing my bottom lip, “is mine. All of you.”

Pressure builds in my chest and I do my best to take a deep breath. Nate. That boy crept up on me like the fourth shot of Patron, warming my body from the inside out, leaving me feeling weightless and capable. Completely knocking me off my feet. It’s not like I thought it would be, caring about someone. I kind of like it. It’s fresh and new, and making me realize that sometimes it’s okay to allow yourself to feel things, not that Nate ever gave me a choice. I tried so hard to keep him at arm’s length, keep it skin deep, but when

all I want to do is pull him in and keep him there, feel his warmth against mine, that’s kind of hard to do.

Nate woke me up from the empty life I’d forced myself into, filled the hollow parts I created with wonder and anticipation. He did that. He’s been showing me that life is more than movements and motions, more than processes and requirements. He’s waking me up and he doesn’t even know it. Or maybe he does, I don’t know.

Nate’s hand finds my limp one that has dropped alongside my chair, and his fingers lace through mine. He waits for my gaze to shift. Waits for my fingers to close around his. Then, he squeezes. Gently. My eyes fly to him and his chin drops a fraction of an inch. A message. I’m here... He’s here. Nate leans over, slowly placing his lips just behind and slightly below my ear, in his spot. My head leans into him as he places a slow, closed-mouth kiss to my skin, lingering there for a moment, and my body decompresses instantly. He’s... got me. And I think he does.

“You leaving?” I tilt my head, looking up at him. His brows pinch slightly, and he wraps his hands around my lower back. “Am I not?” I shrug and run my hands up his chest. “If you have stuff to do or whatever, that’s fine.” The corner of his mouth twitches slightly. “I don’t, but did you not just tell everyone to go?” “Everyone? Yeah.” I look at him. “You? No.” His arms tighten around me, bringing me even closer to him.

One of his hands leaves my thigh and slides across my cheek, where it pauses briefly before tucking my hair behind my ear. “I like when you do that.” My voice is thick and extra raspy. “I know.” He smiles softly up at me. “How do you know?” “Because, you hold your breath every time I do.” My chest cramps. “Is that why you do it? Because I like it?” Say no... “No.” He grins. “I started to because it was the only gentle thing you’d allow. Then,” his eyes roam around my face, “I had to keep doing it because I needed to feel your skin against mine. And now...” He runs his fingers down the length of my hair, letting the curl fall from his fingertips when he reaches the end. “Now I do it because my body craves the look you give me when I do.”

“What look?” I breathe, my body growing heavier, more relaxed. “The one you’re giving me right now.” His hands glide across my collarbone. “While your eyes are low and aroused, they’re also full of fear and wonder. You’re scared of what you’re feeling when I’m touching you, but

you’re dying for me to do it again.” He leans forward and kisses my neck, his hands sliding down my back to rest on my ass. “But you don’t understand any of it, so you put up that wall of yours.” His nose feathers across my jawline and my eyes flutter closed. “You’re not used to wanting something.” His teeth scrape down my earlobe and my body shudders. His breath warms my ear. “But more than that, you’re not used to needing something.” When I feel him pull back, I open my eyes to meet his, searching. My breathing speeds up and everything starts to ache, my head, the sensitive spots between my legs, my chest. “What do I need?” It’s a desperate whisper – a plea, begging him to tell me. His body, his heart... a Xanax? I have no idea. His shoulders drop a little, and w...

His hands slide under my ass, gripping me as he stands. He sets me on the bed and leans down, his lips hovering over mi...

“Nothing, really.” She nibbles on the inside of her lip. “I was just wondering if, you know...” She finally meets my eyes. “Is it serious, or…?” My brows pinch and I look past her shoulder, thinking about her question. “I like him. I know that much. And I don’t like the thought of him with anyone else. It’s good the way it is, just day to day, no pressure, ya know?” I look back at her and she nods, her red hair falling over her shoulder. “You both seem really into each other.” She smiles and leans back in her chair. “I’ve never seen Nate like this and I’ve known him since Kinder.” I smile and look down at my hands. She gasps and my gaze flies to hers, finding her mouth and eyes open wide, and her finger pointing at me. “What?”

“You’re freaking blushing!” She claps excitedly. “Shut up, Mia.” “The stone-cold Kalani Lee Embers is blushing,” she sing-songs.

Apparently, I’m pouting because he laughs and pinches my bottom lip between his fingers. “Stop it.” He smiles down at me. “If I can make it by, I will.” I smash my lips to the side to keep from smiling. “Sorry. I just kinda like having you around.” His smile grows. “I know.” I search his eyes. He’s not being cocky or conceited. His smile’s genuine and just for me. He drops a quick kiss to my lips. “See you tomorrow. Seven on the dot.” He steps back, only letting go of my hand when the distance forces him to. I nod, watching as he jogs backward toward his truck. “Looks like it’s just me and you tonight, kid,” Mia teases as I hop into her Jeep. I can’t wipe the smile off my lips if I tried. “Looks like it.”

“Honestly?” I laugh, dropping down to tie my boot. “I haven’t a clue. All I know is I want to keep her by me.” I stand again to meet his gaze. “Yeah?” he asks, his face neutral. “Yeah.”

This girl was made for me. She’s everything. Perfect.

The year’s coming to an end, with only a few months of school left, and I still don’t know for sure where her mind is. I do know she’s never been the happy Kalani she is now. At least, not in a long time. This Kalani, while still true and honest, is open and unsure. She’s beauty and pain, light and dark. She’s brave. She knows better than anyone that today might be it, but

She’s alive. I can feel it in the way she touches me, see it in the way she looks at me, and I need her to know… “Never gonna be alone…” I sing my promise in time with Chad Kroeger and her body tenses, sending my heart into overdrive, fueled by pure fear. But it’s only for the briefest of moment before she pulls me tighter against her. Securing my place next to her. I’ll take it.

She needs me. I need her.

“We know that sweetheart,” she whispers lightly, the gentleness of her voice making me hold my breath. “I didn’t bring you this so you could show it off to the world. I know that’s not you. Though,” she laughs slightly, “I have to say, I wouldn’t mind if you did, because you’re you. But, I brought this for you because I know what it would mean to him." Her eyes shine with unshed tears, and my ribs start to ache. “You sitting here, under the lights on his last night as a high school football player, with his name and number proudly displayed on your cute little body.” She squeezes my shoulders again, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Ian’s hand come to rest on her lower back. “He’ll never forget it,” she whispers.

“I love you.” I’m shaking my head before he even finishes. “Yeah, Kalani.” He nods, sureness carrying his voice. “I do. I’m in love with you.” “No. You’re not,” I shoot back, my body turning to cement.

He smiles and I don’t miss the chuckles around us. “Yes, I am. And you’re in love with me, too.” “No, I’m not.” He steps into me. “Yes. You are. I know you are.” “You don’t know shit,” I whisper, unable to catch my breath, my eyes darting across his face, searching for a sign of... something. He brushes my hair out of the way. “How do you feel when I touch you?” “Warm.” “And when I hold you?” His arms wrap around me, his pads making him even larger.

My hands drop to his chest, the fight in me slowly dissolving. “Safe,” I mutter. He brings his mouth to my ear, whispering, “And when I fuck you?” He pulls back, locking our gazes once more, dipping his chin slightly. I don’t answer right away, but after a few moments, “Everything… loved,” squeezes its way past my lips. He nods and that perfect smile lights up his entire face. “Oh, my God…” I think I say out loud. “When did this happen?” His forehead drops to mine again. “It doesn’t matter, baby.” I bring my hands to his waist, pulling back again. “I’m in love with you?” He laughs, nodding his head. My chest tightens and expands at the same time. Closing my eyes, a sense of belonging, of need and want, settle inside me and suddenly, while nothing makes sense, everything ...

that his parents and my cousin just witnessed this moment, he kisses me with everything he has, making sure I know exactly how ...

“In the beginning?” I stare at him. “I said, if there was ever something you needed to know, ask, and I wouldn’t lie to you.” His face falls. “Yeah,” I nod. “You remember.”

Thinking I could open up, love someone and be loved back. Have the little bit of normalcy in my life when I’m anything but a normal nineteen-year-old girl…it was a rookie move, for sure. I’m a multi-millionaire with her name on the most successful sports photography company, not to mention the co-owner of the San Diego Tomahawks.

Nate didn’t trust in me. He didn’t believe in me, at least not enough to stop and consider that maybe whatever the bitch threw at him was false. He could have – more than likely, did - fucked her repeatedly tonight, and it still wouldn’t compare to the third-rate feeling slicing through me right now.

“Why did you do this?” I shove him, my long hair falling into my face. “Huh? Why did you push me, make me feel... make me love you?” I palm my chest, my face pinching as the pain gets stronger. “I didn’t want this,” I shake my head furiously. “I didn’t. But you had to have me.”

“Guess the joke’s on me, though, huh?” I laugh lightly, looking up at the star-filled sky briefly, then back at Nate. “Thinking I could come back from all the shit life’s thrown at me.” I look past him. “Be happy.” I kick off my shoes, then bend down to pick them up. “Here I am, exactly two years later.” I look back at Nate then, seeing the horror and recognition of what today really is written all over him.

“The song; it’s about a girl. Life throws different challenges at her. Some sad, some heartbreaking, but they all feel like the end of everything when they first happen.” I close my eyes. “But someone is there after each event, helping her move on, say goodbye. Letting her know that

everything she’s feeling is okay, normal even.”

When I first met Nate, I knew he was trouble. It was written all over his dangerously attractive face. He was everything fathers warned their daughters about. The bad boy with good looks. Athletic and strong, with a fancy ride and nice clothes. Too bad I didn’t have a dad when I met him. I was doomed from the start. If only he ended up being just those stereotypical things. If only that’s all there was to him; looks and football. If only he truly was bad. Then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much. Maybe my lungs wouldn’t tighten with every breath I take, my eyes wouldn’t burn with every blink. Nate was so much more than I was ready for.

While he was cocky and egotistical, he was kind and gentle. Hard-headed and presumptuous, yet open and honest. He was everything. Perfect.

M...

here. I need to talk to her. She owes me an explanation.” I take two steps, then Parker’s in front of me. “Yeah?” He steps into me. “She owes you an explanation?” His brows jump up his pretty boy forehead. “She does! The shit she pulled on me.” I push into him with my chest. “You really gonna stand there and act like you don’t get some sick thrill out of this?” I accuse, narrowing my eyes. “You think you hide it, your feelings for her, but I see it. Seen it since day one.” I laugh bitterly, taking a step back. “You can have the lying-”

“You don’t know shit, Nate!” he hollers, jerking his body in attempt to free himself from Jarrod’s hold. “You obviously don’t love her like you claim if you didn’t even think to give her the benefit of the doubt!” “Don’t act like you know shit!” I scream, trying to advance on him, but Austin’s grip tightens. “I heard what she said.” His brows pull in slightly. “I. Heard. Her.”

Parker’s body relaxes and he yanks his arms free of the bastard behind him. “Fuck you, Nate. I know Lolli well, but I’m not stupid enough to think I know her better than you. I can tell you, though, no matter what you think you know, think you heard, you’re wrong. Whatever it was, it hurt you. And the Kalani I know, would do anything to keep you from hurting. She’d never cause it.” He shrugs unapologetically, confidently, and my chest gets tight. “You fucked up. Plain and simple.” He turns to leave, but stops, his jaw clenching. His eyes meet mine and he looks ready to throw another punch, but instead, he sighs. “She’s gone.” My blood runs cold. “Gone. What do you mean, gone?”

“As in, gone. Not in Alrick.” His eyes come back to mine. “And you have no one...

You’re at risk of losing ev-” “I already have, Ma!” I shout, feeling my chest grow tight, my eyes widening. “I lost everything. She was everything.” My chin falls to my chest and I hear a small sob escape my mother.

“Nate…what happened?” Her voice breaks for her broken son. I sigh, making my way down the stairs. “She didn’t want me for me, Ma.” I look over at my mother, who is frozen in place by my admission. “She didn’t care.” “Oh, honey, she does care. That girl loves you.” “She doesn’t. She admitted it.”

“Olivia recorded her. She admitted to everything. Played me for a fool.” The moment I say Olivia’s name, my mom’s eyes turn hard. Like me, she doesn’t know the details, but is aware that there was a nasty fallout with Liv and my sister a year or so ago. Not to mention, she’s been chasing after me for years. If anyone dislikes Olivia as much as me, it’s my mother.

But at the close of every drunken night I spend sprawled out on the empty football field, alone, the results are the same. I heard her. And I can’t unhear her.