Figure of Speech

by Kasha Thompson

For some reason, I always forgot to smile when I was nervous, which strangers took as me being angry or standoffish.

“Can you please explain your tweet from four years ago in which you said, and I quote, ‘Breaking news. All men are trash. Your daddy, your pop-pop, your uncle Reggie. Hot, steaming piles of trash. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk,’” Gimble asked, removing his reading glasses from the brim of his pointy nose.

First rule to remember when interviewing for a government job is don’t lie. If you lie, you’re toast, because nine times out of ten, they already know and if they don’t know, they will find out.

Never let them see you sweat because the minute you do, it’s over and whatever is left of you is getting picked on by the vultures.

There are three things a woman should never be without. First, a good stylist who knows how to lay her edges. Second, a shade of red lipstick that complements her complexion, and lastly, access to quality penis. Good dick is like a quality-of-life issue. You know, water, air, good dick, reliable Wi-Fi.”

all skinfolk ain't kinfolk.”

Dominique may be a meal, but I was a family reunion spread with all the fixings, the kind of feast that required you to unbuckle your belt and left you knocked out in a recliner in front of the television with your hands down your pants.

I was all for being an independent self-reliant woman but sometimes being on your knees was the most powerful thing you could do.