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He was the reason Britney Spears invented the word toxic. He was the reason why people willingly cried along to Adele songs. Not me, of course. Not for a long time anyway.
One of the many things I loved about history was that it was one long story. The present was confusing and made no sense. Only when we looked back did we see the narrative logic of our lives.
History can repeat itself if we aren’t careful. Those who don’t study history are doomed to repeat it. The same conflicts, the same short-sightedness, the same mistakes.”
I think being gay had given me the superpower of compartmentalization. Instead of using it to lead a double life, I used my powers for teaching the awesomeness of history while keeping Hutch in a very small box in my head.
There was inherent loneliness in being gay. You had to face the world by yourself and slowly find allies.
Hutch Hawkins broke my heart once. I wasn’t going to let him do it again.
In ancient cultures, the sharing of food was symbolic of unification. And in modern times, Skittles were delicious.
After what happened with Amos, I couldn’t bring myself to risk hurting another person. And I couldn’t risk hurting myself. I might’ve been the one who mucked things up with Amos, but my heart broke, too. I put on a smile at prom for all to see, but when I got home, I sobbed on my bed until the sun came up the next morning. I didn’t know it was possible to miss somebody this hard, like every cell in my body ached.
“Don’t you have school tomorrow?” “I have work, Pop. I work at school.”
Loneliness just becomes another layer of clothing you wear. You don’t even realize it’s on.
“Hole-sexual?” “Yeah. I’m all about the hole, dude. Doesn’t matter the gender. The hole is what matters most.”
