Reminders of Him

by Colleen Hoover

I take a drink of my coffee and close my eyes and cry because life can be so fucking cruel and hard, and I’ve

wanted to quit living it so many times, but then moments like these remind me that happiness isn’t some permanent thing we’re all trying to achieve in life, it’s merely a thing that shows up every now and then, sometimes in tiny doses that are just substantial enough to keep us going.

I want good things for her because it seems like she hasn’t had a good thing in a long, long time.

People say you fall in love, but fall is such a sad word when you think about it. Falls are never good. You fall on the ground, you fall behind, you fall to your death. Whoever was the first person to say they fell in love must have already fallen out of it. Otherwise, they’d have called it something much better.

“All this shit you do to help little kids in your spare time isn’t going to gain you any points in an afterlife because religion is a social construct created by societies who wanted to regulate their people, which makes heaven a concept. We could be sleeping right now.” “Wow. I’d hate to see you before coffee.” I back out of his driveway. “If heaven is conceptual, what is hell?”

So, you decide right now, right here. Are you gonna live in your sadness or are you gonna die in it?”

I could either learn to live with it or I could let it consume me.

Scotty always saw the best in people, even in those who I failed to find good in at all.

I know what it’s like to kiss her, but I have no idea who she is as a human.

And now we never will, because life is a cruel, cruel thing, the way it picks and chooses who to bully. We’re given these shitty circumstances and told by society that we, too, can live the American dream.

“Regret keeps you stuck on pause. So does prison. When you get out of here, make sure you hit play so you don’t forget to move forward.”

It’s strange, being involved in every facet of another human being, and then suddenly not knowing anything. It’s also strange thinking you know someone but then later realizing maybe you didn’t know them at all.

Why does he have to do nice things that make him so attractive?

I guess realizing your life isn’t compatible with someone else’s doesn’t erase the feelings that are there.

It’s the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me.

There was before you and there was during you. For some reason, I never thought there would be an after you. But there was, and I was in it. I’ll be in it forever.

It’s funny how life works out.

“I am going to be the best person I can be for your daughter. I promise. I’m going to give her the best life, and when she asks about her mother, I’m going to tell her what a wonderful person you are. I’ll make sure she grows up knowing how much you love her.”

“That’s it. It’s that simple. I forgive you and you forgive me, and we go forward together

“Happiness looks good on you, Kenna.”

Maybe it doesn’t matter whether something is a coincidence or a sign. Maybe the best way to cope with the loss of the people we love is to find them in as many places and things as we possibly can. And in the off chance that the people we lose are still somehow able to hear us, maybe we should never stop talking to them.

“I’m going to be so good to your girls, Scotty. I promise.”

sometimes we do things for people we love, even though we wouldn’t choose to do those things for ourselves.”

Now that I’ve forgiven myself, the reminders of him only make me smile.

They just accepted me like I belong here with all the people who loved you.