Reminders of Him

by Colleen Hoover

I want to learn how to talk to people without wishing I could retract every word I said. I want to be good at feeling things when a guy touches my waist. I want to be good at life. I want to make it look effortless, but up until this point, I’ve made every aspect of life appear entirely too difficult to navigate.

I have a daughter I have never held. She has a scent I have never smelled. She has a name I have never yelled. She has a mother who has already failed.

I’m even begging for. I just want someone to listen to me. To hear me out. To understand how much I’m suffering. I want him to be the man I met in the bar last night. I want him to pull me to his chest, to make me feel like I have an ally.

So, you decide right now, right here. Are you gonna live in your sadness or are you gonna die in it?”

Roman takes a step closer. “She’s responsible for the accidental death of someone she was in love with. As if that wasn’t hard enough, she went to prison for it and was forced to give up her own child. She finally shows back up hoping to meet her, and you do God knows what with her in your truck, and then you prevent her from meeting her daughter, and then you tell her to fuck off. No wonder you’ve been slamming shit around all night.” He walks back up the steps, but before he goes inside, he turns to me and says, “You’re the reason I’m not dead in a ditch somewhere, Ledger. You gave me a chance when everyone else gave up on me. You have no idea how much I look up to you for that. But it’s really hard to look up to you right now. You’re acting like an asshole.” Roman walks back inside the bar.

There was before you and there was during you. For some reason, I never thought there would be an after you. But there was, and I was in it.

I turn around and face him; then I lift my hand and touch his cheek. “I would have fallen for you even if you didn’t love Diem.” His expression shifts, and then he kisses the inside of my palm. “I fell for you because of how much you do.” Dammit, Ledger.

“I’m going to be so good to your girls, Scotty. I promise.”