Reminders of Him

by Colleen Hoover

life can be so fucking cruel and hard, and I’ve wanted to quit living it so many times, but then moments like these remind me that happiness isn’t some permanent thing we’re all trying to achieve in life, it’s merely a thing that shows up every now and then, sometimes in tiny doses that are just substantial enough to keep us going.

it’s hard to be recognized when you aren’t even missed.

I just want someone to listen to me. To hear me out. To understand how much I’m suffering.

People need people.

I’d seen families like theirs on television, but never in person before. I honestly didn’t know they existed. Parents who got along and seemed to like each other.

I think after growing up and seeing other families, I started to realize she wasn’t a good mother. Or even a good person. It became really hard to coexist. It was like she felt I was her competition and not on her team. It was exhausting.

“I don’t know if I can explain it. But being here . . . it’s like I can be my truest, most authentic self. I can cry. I can be in a bad mood, or sad, or happy. Any of those moods are accepted here. I don’t feel that anywhere else.”

There was before you and there was during you. For some reason, I never thought there would be an after you.

I am not a bad person. I am not a bad person. It took five years of weekly therapy sessions to help me realize this. I only recently learned how to say it out loud. “I am not a bad person.”

sometimes we do things for people we love, even though we wouldn’t choose to do those things for ourselves.”

I’ve never felt unwelcome. Not for one day or even one second. They didn’t accept me with conditions. They just accepted me like I belong here with all the people who loved you.