P.S. I Loathe You

by Isla Olsen

“Nice skirt,” I say with a smirk. “I didn’t know sequins were mainstream now.” She lets out a huff of annoyance. “This isn’t sequins, it’s gold mesh. I swear, you’re the worst gay ever.” I mock-cringe. “Oh no! I hope they don’t take away my license to practise over

You are the worst person ever! Why did you have to put those thoughts about He Who Must Not Be Named into my head? Ever since you brought it up, I just CANNOT stop picturing it. He keeps popping into my head when I’m tossing off. It’s disturbing! From: waho28@zapmail.com To: daredevil87@ionet.co.uk Subject: Re: I HATE YOU It’s okay. This is a shame-free zone. Voldemort is definitely on the kinkier side when it comes to wanking fantasies, but I applaud you for being so open and honest about it.

for tonight, which means I’m stuck wearing a monkey suit for the night and being slowly choked to death by my own bow tie. What an

Far too soon, however, the waitress from earlier re-appears at our table to take our order. “I’ll have the choc chip pancakes, with chocolate sauce, and a chocolate milkshake,” Wes tells her, throwing in one of those dazzling smiles that are liable to blind someone. My brows shoot up at his ridiculous order. “Would you like a side of diabetes with that?”

“I need to get some of this shit out of my hair,” he explains, nodding to the basin in front of us. “What, you don’t like the new look?” I tease. “It’s very Terracotta Army chic.” He rolls his eyes. “Just help me get this out.”