Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture

by Sherronda J. Brown

Here are just a few things people “know” about sex, attraction, and desire: Sexual attraction and desire, whether queer or heterosexual, are universal; everyone experiences them and should experience them in the same way. Sex is a necessary, unavoidable part of life and inherent to human nature. Everyone is allosexual—experiencing sexual attraction and desire in normative ways. Anyone who does not have sex is merely celibate or abstinent, suppressing their sexual urges for moral, spiritual, or religious reasons, and people who claim not to want sex are disordered or stunted in some way. Sex occurs because sexual attraction and desire signal that we actively want to have sex with someone. Desire for sexual contact is sustained, especially within committed romantic relationships. Partnered sex is more important, more valuable, and more mature than solo sex. These ideas are immovable and not influenced by societal expectations, permissions, or other environmental factors.