He Who Fights With Monsters 7 (He Who Fights with Monsters, #7)

by Shirtaloon

Farrah was disoriented as she suddenly found herself standing in front of Jason in a wide-open duelling area. She looked down to find her Earth clothes had been replaced with a training gi. “Did you use your half-cooked god powers to change my clothes?” “Nope,” Jason lied. “You were wearing that the whole time.” Farrah conjured her sword. “I’m going to enjoy this.”

“Did the explanation have to be that long?” Neil asked. “What you just said is that the monster surge isn’t happening because of a bad magic thing that some stupidly powerful whatever made. Jason, being Jason, heard ‘stupidly powerful,’ immediately decided to annoy it and blew up its magic thing. Now the monster surge is back on, with a bonus invasion, and Jason’s coming here to probably get us all killed.”

“Okay. Sexy teacher Farrah time it is.” “Are you looking to get spanked?” “Is that a trick question? I have been a naughty boy.” “That’s enough out of you,” Farrah said. “Yes, Mistress.” Farrah shook her head. “At least that brings us to the first and most important thing you need to know, which is that everything about you is bad and you shouldn’t do it.” “That’s a little harsh.”

“That’s pretty neat,” Jason said. “Neat?” Farrah asked. “It’s a flying island.” “I’m not saying it’s not great,” Jason said. “I definitely want to take a look for myself, but I own two interconnected pocket-universe cities. My bar for amazement has shifted up a little.” “I suppose that’s fair.”

“You need to get your familiar under control,” Clive said. “Yes,” Belinda said, emerging from the control room. “Because dragons are famous for responding well to being told what to do. Especially when they have Jason Asano as a role model.”

“When worlds end, you are the arbiter. When gods fall, you are the instrument. Herald of annihilation, come forth and be my harbinger. I have doom to bring.”

“Your soul says otherwise, Mr Asano. It tells a story of war.”

It’s boldness to act in the right moment and recklessness to act in the wrong one.

Jason reflected, far from the first time, how precious his familiars were. Their companionship as they nestled within his soul even more so than their powers. Jason had spent some of his darkest days alone but for the three lovable death machines he carried inside him.

“Who are you, Jason Asano?” “A person who’s tired of dealing with people more powerful than himself. I’m just a guy looking to be an ordinary adventurer of his own damn rank. I want to take some contracts, help some people. Dashing heroics and witty banter; maybe a monologuing villain or two. I have no political ambitions and I do not appreciate being dragged into someone else’s.” “They don’t send someone like me after ordinary adventurers,” Trenchant said. “They send me after people who make trouble.” “Trouble made me first,” Jason said. “You tell those people who sent you that this puppet likes to strangle the puppet master with his strings.”

These affliction types may not kill fast, but they’ll keep killing all day if you feed them enough monsters to be getting on with.

“…I’m just saying, pick one and stick to it. Do you have evil powers or holy powers? You can’t just run around being a plague-bringer of doom, then turn around and start smiting people with the fist of the heavens.

“It doesn’t change anything,” Sophie said. “There’s a bunch of pricks coming to our world and we need to punch them a whole lot.”

Which tells me that this guy is gayer than a nautically themed dance troupe called Hot Seamen.”

“Which works out. Never lie when the truth can lie for you, and don't do things for one reason if you can do them for two.

“Rufus, are you a good teacher? Wait, don't answer that. You'll say some humble crap and I'm trying to make a point here. I know you're a good teacher because you taught me and I'm awesome. Even with my overwhelming natural talent, smouldering charisma and dashing good looks helping you along, that's still a pretty good result.”

“Mr Asano, I apologise for my part in whatever political imbroglio you have been caught up in.” “You get used to it,” Jason said. “At least with politics, they only stab you in the back. It’s a nice change from being stabbed in the everything.”

“He’s an affliction skirmisher,” Trenchant said. “Hit and run tactics, high mobility, high efficiency. It’s a specialisation that rarely appears and those that have it tend to die early, so you don’t see it often. Affliction skirmishers have a low margin of error and their survival is all about how well they expand that margin.”

“You know what I'd do if I was up against an affliction skirmisher? I'd run like the God of Pain was chasing me. I wouldn't stand and fight unless I had a full team with me and, even then, I'd want a damn good reason. It's common knowledge that you have to kill an affliction specialist before they dose you or you'll die even after you kill them. Skirmishers don't die easy.” “So, in short,” Vesper said, “they're evil bastards.”

“At the risk of screaming futilely into the void, Mr Asano, you are not being very sensible.”

“The first thing you need to do,” Clive said, “is ignore everything Jason just said because it was nonsense.” “That's good advice in general,” Farrah added.

He knew well that saying true things was not the same as speaking the truth.

decorum. I have no doubt that you’ll go ahead and break the rules, but you should at least take the time to learn them first.”

“Is that it?” Soramir asked. “That’s the whole message?” “It is. You may kill me now, for my task is done.” “Why bother? Go back and tell your master he could have just sent a note.”

“Oh, I’m aware. My friends from home brought word that as soon as I left, the vampires started a war.” “Why would they wait until you leave?” “Because people from my world have learned what it is to be my enemy.” “This is not your world, Mr Asano.” “I know. But my enemies here will learn too.”