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Maybe I’m on extra high alert with someone new around my kid. But mostly, I always feel this way. I always feel like I’m looking out for someone. For everyone. I’ve had the weight of the world on my shoulders since my mom died when I was eight. I’m not even sure if anyone put that weight there or if I just do it to myself. Either way, it’s ever present. And it’s heavy.
“Sounds like her loss, because you might be the coolest kid I’ve ever met.” She doesn’t use a sad voice, or a baby voice, she just talks to him like a normal human being. “Fucking hell,” I curse under my breath because she just practically hired herself.
All thick arms and broad chest and furrowed brow. Dirty boots. Muscular thighs. Cowboy porn with a frown.
I’ll take a boozy brunch with my bestie and a dirty book in bed by eight for a thousand, Alex.
Undecided seems easier than failing.
“Beg.” “Pardon me?” “You heard me.” Her lips don’t even twitch. She’s not joking at all. “Beg.”
A hot tub to soothe away the aches of the day. A quiet moment in my most frivolous purchase. Time alone to stare up at the stars and enjoy a little solitude.
As I approach, his scent sneaks up on me. Crushed pine needles and sunshine.
I’ve just been spending all these years faking that I’m ultra-responsible, hoping that I can fake myself into believing it. Most days I do, but moments like tonight I wonder what I’ve lost in the process.
And I feel like I want all her smiles for myself.
I was never granted the privilege of doing whatever I wanted, and being reminded of it smarts.
“The joke’s on you though. I wouldn’t last ten minutes and just because you’d be quiet doesn’t mean I would be.”
She’s a spark in the dark. Dancing flames against a midnight sky. She shines brighter than almost anyone in this entire place with her glossy hair, bright dress, and twinkling green eyes.
way. But I’ve never really enjoyed school. I’m sure if I’d applied myself, I could have done better. But I was always more interested in riding my horse. Or being on the road with my parents. Or learning to manage a bar with my older brother. School is always there if I want to go back. But I’m a firm believer that learning doesn’t always happen in the classroom.”
“I wonder how the hell I did what I did. How everyone just let me. I did school, pitched in around the ranch, cleaned, cooked what I could, and helped everywhere possible. Because that just seemed like what needed to be done.”
I sit on the front deck and read my dirty books. It’s peaceful. I like the morning, and since I’m not out until three a.m. working, I can actually enjoy them. I hate sleeping in. I always feel like I’ve wasted my day.”
Oh, I feel like getting my back broken alright. By him. Not a horse.
He wasn’t about to fall all over himself apologizing for not making enough coffee for me. Instead, he just made more and left me a mug, knowing that it would make me feel good.
Willa might be a bit of a psycho—after all, she did just push a child into the pool—but the more time I spend with her, the more I feel like she’s my psycho.
“That’s fine. I can take care of myself.” “I know you can, but you don’t have to because I’m here to help.”
“Keep talking like that and I’m going to fuck the filth right out of your pretty mouth.”
“Will you take back my feminist card if I tell you I really just want to live in that little house on the ranch, teach guitar lessons, get titty-fucked in the hot tub, and have a bunch of adorable babies?”
I never knew a man digging out a spot for a sidewalk could be an aphrodisiac,
I’m scared you’re too young. That you haven’t lived enough. That you’re too far out of my league. I’m scared I won’t be enough for you and you’ll walk away.
“Did Winter say something to you? Do we like her? Do we hate her? Am I supposed to be mad at something with you? Because I will be if you are. Just tell me how to be supportive.”
Every part of me wants to go after her, but sometimes loving someone means giving them the space they want. The space they need. For a little while, at least.
