My Last Innocent Year
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Read between October 21 - October 31, 2025
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the inconvenient girlfriend
Stacey B liked this
4%
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Zev didn’t have any friends besides me, that whenever I saw him at a party or lecture, he was always alone. He sought me out because he had no one else to talk to, because no one else could stand him.
Arlenys ⋆˙⟡☾☀☽⟡˙⋆
My ex core
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Zev that felt exciting to me, a cold, bitter exterior I was determined to crack.
Arlenys ⋆˙⟡☾☀☽⟡˙⋆
Me w my evil ex core
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It occurred to me briefly that this might be the last first day of school I’d ever have.
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then, I still believed beauty conferred a kind of moral superiority and
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Wilder, New Hampshire, a town with only one bar, that was no small thing.
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Debra and Kelsey had love and security to spare, and they shared it with me freely.
Arlenys ⋆˙⟡☾☀☽⟡˙⋆
this made me miss my friends
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“We think our stories are personal,” he told me, “but we’re all products of our time.”
Arlenys ⋆˙⟡☾☀☽⟡˙⋆
do you think you fell out of a coconut tree?
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I let his language wash over me and, after a while, felt it wriggle inside, burrowing in like earthworms.
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My mother found it shabby and depressing. “Too many Jews,” said Abe.
Arlenys ⋆˙⟡☾☀☽⟡˙⋆
Lol ??
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Men admire each other when they are at their best, but women enjoy meeting each other in pits of despair.
Arlenys ⋆˙⟡☾☀☽⟡˙⋆
and i live by that
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needlepoint designs my mother used to make that looked so perfect from the front, but when you turned them over, you could see every knot and string.
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as small and unimportant as I mostly felt, the egotism of youth hadn’t left me, and I placed myself firmly and squarely at the center of the universe.
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We need women. Somewhere along the way the balance shifts and all these boys you pine for now become men who are very afraid of being alone.”
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penetrating questions,
Arlenys ⋆˙⟡☾☀☽⟡˙⋆
I bet
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(Later, I would know this implicitly. I would pass young women on the street and see that they were all beautiful, even the ones who weren’t.)
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slowly at first and then all at once,
Arlenys ⋆˙⟡☾☀☽⟡˙⋆
@carina
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MY NEED TO link sex with secrecy was born that spring.
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“You sound just like your mother, talking about your art, thinking everything will work out. But you won’t have me downstairs working to pay for everything.
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“so you remember that it’s okay to want things.” She made me promise never to sell it.
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“Well, it’s a job and I need a job.” I pouted, but inside I was thrilled.
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Pine
Arlenys ⋆˙⟡☾☀☽⟡˙⋆
s/o bolo
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“Each time you happen to me all over again.”
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Because what we have is extraordinary.”
Arlenys ⋆˙⟡☾☀☽⟡˙⋆
OMG i hate him
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At twenty-two, I still believed adults did things because they made sense, that they had information I did not have, by virtue of being adults. I was beginning to think this might not always be the case. I would soon come to understand that adulthood was exactly this: the constant upending of everything you believed when you were young.
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realized that no matter what he had done to me, I would always be the one unpacking that night, wondering what I might have said or done differently.
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as graduation drew near it felt like everyone was my friend.
Arlenys ⋆˙⟡☾☀☽⟡˙⋆
Yeah
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When I was older, I would learn that there were other men like him, men who would bandage your wounds and make you dinner and hold your injured hands across the table. But at twenty-two, I thought he was the only one, and
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the end embedded in the beginning in a way I hadn’t. It was how adults behaved, I knew now, and I would never again not see the world in the same way.
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We take our decisions with us, no matter how much we wish we could leave them behind.
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I’d never stopped wanting things that weren’t mine.
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The phone rang twice more, then a woman answered and I told her what I knew.
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I believed—I chose to believe—that his death had been an accident. But what was clear was that Igraine would have died if the police hadn’t found her when they did. She
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“I’m sorry you went through that,” she said when I was finished. “I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend to you.”
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But here, I could taste the possibility. There were other ways I could live. There were other people I could be.
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Why did I believe Connelly when he told me I was special, but not my father?
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Abe had never been allowed to have dreams of his own and so he focused on mine.
Arlenys ⋆˙⟡☾☀☽⟡˙⋆
Real