I have no idea how to write what I am thinking without turning it into a prayer: a petition, a question, a conversation in which the answer lies outside myself. If I am not ultimately directing my thoughts and questions toward God, who am I directing them to? A self? Myself? My sinful, depraved, untrustworthy self that I have been taught to check at the door every time I’ve talked to Jesus for my entire life? I am seeking something, anything, that will help me better comprehend my nascent emotions without turning toward a god who I cannot—and no longer want to—hear.
