A Pumpkin and a Patch

by Jennifer Peel

“Josie.” He paused. “For a long time, I wanted to be someone else. I didn’t want to be different. But my mother made me see there is strength in being different in a world where we crave to blend in. My mom used to say, “Why would you want to be thrown into the blender in order to mix in with the masses, only to get cut by the blades?” Wow. That was a profound thought. “For years, I let others cut me with their words and insults, but I realized it was because they so badly wanted to be in the mix. When I finally learned it was okay not to be, it changed my life. From then on, I didn’t give a damn about what anyone thought of me.”

Reece tipped my chin with the touch of his finger. “Josie, you should always be the first person to stand up for yourself. I’m always happy to play backup for you, but the first step to getting out of the blender is to see your worth—and to realize you’re worth fighting for.”

She gave me a look that said she knew exactly where I was coming from. “I should say, men who see you for who you really are and want you to see that woman, too, are the worst.” Yes. So much yes. “I take it Noah is one of them.” “He is the king of them.” “Well then, Reece is the prince.” “It’s hard to be with someone who’s so self-assured when you’re not.” She was preaching to the choir. “Amen. So, how did you make it work?” “I found me. All of me again.” I was afraid that was the answer. “What if you feel like you lost yourself at fifteen?” “That’s tough, but I think you owe it to that girl to find her. She turned out to be a fantastic woman.” “I don’t know about that.” “I do. Being a good teacher alone makes you a hero in my book. But look at Reece; do you think he would really choose to pursue someone who isn’t amazing? He’s not just thinking about himself. He has a daughter, and I know he wants the best for her.” I wanted the best for Andi, too. For all my students. “I appreciate your kind words.” Truly, I did. I just wished I could know they were true. “They’re not just words.” She patted my back. “But I know how hard it is to believe them when you don’t feel them. You’ll get there.” She was much more confident in my abilities than I was. “How did you find yourself?” I had to know. She let out a heavy breath. “I had to do the toughest thing I’ve ever done. I had to face myself and stop hiding behind all the hurt and anger.”

“But seriously, Josie.” He touched his forehead to mine. “It speaks to who you are. Just like you don’t see me for my wound, I don’t see you for yours. And as amazing as I think you are, I can’t tell you how to see yourself. No one but you can make that call. You choose who Josie is. And whoever she is, I’ll like her.”

That just goes to show that you should never compare your life to the one people portray, especially online. We all have our personal demons. Some are just better at hiding theirs.

A silence settled all around us. Reece and I shared a stunned glance before I looked down at my sweet Andi with her tearstained cheeks, doing her best to defend me. In her eyes I saw such courage and determination, it lent me some, as well as a good dose of reality. I should be defending Andi, not the other way around. Not only that, but I knew the way I responded would be an example to Andi, so it had better be a good one. The last thing I ever wanted was for Andi to think it was okay to let anyone push her around or make her feel as if she were less. The way I had felt for so much of my life. In that moment, I knew I had to own it. I had to be okay with the pirate girl, because the little girl whose hand I held in mine needed me to be. And I needed Andi to know that no one should ever tell her how to feel about herself. That she should never be defined by a cruel name. I squeezed Andi’s hand. “Thank you,” my voice crackled with raw emotion. Andi gave me that sweet smile of hers, calming my heart and soul. I stood a little taller and faced Nicolette, who looked as if she might cry as she stared at her daughter’s hand in mine. It was obvious she knew there was more going on here than just a teacher and her student and a parent-teacher relationship. She was aware she was losing something, and I knew it didn’t bode well for me. But in that moment, I couldn’t think about what was going to happen in my near future. I had to take a stand for Andi, and for all the children who w...