Happiness for Beginners

by Katherine Center

sometimes you just get an idea of a person in your mind, and that’s what you see when you look at him, no matter what.

But I was hardly anything as adorable as “single.” I was just alone.

far, having my old name back had been the best thing about getting divorced.

“I smile all the time,” I said, not smiling. “I smile constantly. From the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed. Sometimes I get cheek cramps from smiling so much.”

He nodded. “Sure. I can never resist a dare. Plus, he offered to teach me how to juggle.” “I didn’t know Duncan could juggle.” “He can’t. But by the time I figured it out, it was too late. We were already pals.”

“What is it? Because I’m elderly now, and old people can’t drink wine without getting sleepy.”

He loved to chase, but the minute I let him capture, he suddenly felt smothered. I learned early on that I had to keep running to keep him interested. But after a while I got tired of running. After a while, I just wanted to be caught.

but I guess who you are always seems normal to you because you don’t know what it feels like to be anyone else.

Looking back, I’d wish over and over that I’d been feeling just a tiny bit bossier that day.

“He said, ‘Think of somebody who loved you. Or loves you. Somebody who is rooting for you. Who believes in you. Who would be willing to suffer for you.’” “Beckett said that?” Jake nodded. “He said that there will come a day when things are so hopeless that the only way we’ll get through will be to turn to our person, whoever it is, in our heads—so we can draw strength from them to keep going.”

Once I was gone, I was just so relieved to be on my own, I never rethought it. I never went back to take another look. It happened, I’d survived it all, moved away, and now I was completely fine.

I guess I’d gotten stronger without realizing it. Sometimes things like that sneak up on you.

Girls always wanted to believe in love. Girls always wanted to feel seen, and admired, and wanted. Even girls who knew better. Like me.

I had to give those feelings credit, too. They were something different from the numbness I’d felt so solidly for the past year. Or longer. The word that kept surfacing in my head was alive.

I was working hard to feel grateful for the opportunity for heartbreak and all the aliveness it would bring

Happiness is more about appreciation than acquisition.”

This was the problem: I saw so many good, kind, worthy things in him—though, granted, it had taken me six years to figure it out—and I found him so lovable, that I wanted him to find me lovable, too. But that wasn’t Jake’s job. It wasn’t even fair to ask of him. This was something I had to prove to myself.

“You’re going to start seeing him with kinder eyes. I know you are.” “I am?” “Yep,” Jake said, nodding. “Once I show you how to see him the way I do, you won’t go back.”

I’m not sure if that means they’re happy, but I don’t think they’re more unhappy than anybody else. They look happy on Facebook, anyway.”

We have been given incomprehensible beauty on this earth, but we don’t see it. We walk around angry and blind and ungrateful.

“He just likes you. He’s always liked you. He sees all the good things about you. He has that gift—those wonderful, loving eyes.”

“I always like you best when you’re a mess.”

He taught you how to let somebody love you a little bit. That lesson right there is enough to change your life.”

It was one thing to be the child of a mother who didn’t want you, but it was another thing entirely to be the child of a mother who couldn’t keep you.

I was no longer the kind of girl you’d cheat on and leave for someone else. I’d grown up to be amazing, dammit! I’d grown up to be the kind of girl you never get over.

Good things are so easy to overlook, but that doesn’t make them any less there.