The Do-Over

by Sharon M. Peterson

“Know your worth. Then add tax.” —MIMI

Mother hated that Mimi laughed too loud, never watched what she ate, and didn’t care one bit what anyone thought.

On the list of People I Wanted to Be Like When I Grew Up, Mimi was number one.

I wanted to be unafraid to just be me.

“Perci, darling, a man wants a spoon, not a ladle. Remember that.”

“When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask for grapes. You can make wine with grapes.” —MIMI

“One day, you’ll need to be the bigger person. Eat all the cake you can now to prepare yourself.” —MIMI

“A good friend’ll help ya bury the body. A great friend knows how much rat poison you’ll need.” —MIMI

“You are amazing. Maybe if you try this, you’ll see you don’t need to be anyone but yourself. You’ll believe it, so you’ll be it.”

“Dull women have immaculate homes. And, honey, I’m a terrible housekeeper.” —MIMI

“Always choose kindness. Unless the other person’s a jackass. Then all bets are off.” —MIMI

“Home is where you hang your hat and eat ice cream straight out of the carton with a spoon.” —MIMI

“A wolf in sheep’s clothing is still a wolf. ’Cept now he has to dry-clean his coat.” —MIMI

As Mimi would say, “You can’t avoid the elephant in the room, ’specially when you’re the elephant.”

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it is broken, make damn sure fixing it’s worth the trouble.” —MIMI

“Never look a gift horse or a politician in the eye. Both of ’em usually want something you aren’t willing to give.” —MIMI

“You lie with dogs, you get fleas. You lie with liars, you get crabs.” —MIMI

“Hell hath no fury like a woman who is pissed off at her man.” —MIMI

Me: I think I might be about to do something stupid. Mathias: Do you want me to talk you out of it or let you do it?

“There’s more than one way to skin a cat. Whichever way, you gotta kill the cat first.” —MIMI

“It’s the thought that counts, but math never was my strong suit.” —MIMI

“You could go on a wild goose chase, or you could let the goose come to you.” —MIMI

“Silence may be golden, but duct tape is silver and it’s real cheap.” —MIMI

“A gentleman never kisses and tells, his lady’s smile does all the talking.” —MIMI

“Don’t judge a book by its cover. At least you know it’ll be better than the movie.” —MIMI

“Never ask a woman how old she is, how much she weighs, or if she’s pregnant.” —MIMI

“Drinkin’ your sorrows away only works till the beer runs out.” —MIMI

“There’s a foot for every shoe, a hat for every head And an ass for every saddle.” —MIMI

“Three can keep a secret, if you’re willing to murder two of ’em.” —MIMI

“A good man’s hard to find and even harder to keep.” —MIMI

“Lies are like cockroaches and the White Pages,” Mimi liked to say. “They might be useless, but they’ll never go away.”

“All a woman needs is a man who treats her like an angel and kisses like the Devil.” —MIMI

“Always choose kindness. And two-ply toilet paper.” —MIMI

“A friend in need is a friend indeed. Especially when it comes with a free meal.” —MIMI

“The truth hurts, but it’ll heal. On the other hand, lies tend to cut to the white meat and leave a scar for life.” —MIMI

“You can lead a horse to water, or you can drag it inch by inch. Either way, it’s gonna get thirsty sometime.” —MIMI

“If you’re looking for a hero, you’ve already lost your way.” —MIMI

“If it sounds too good to be true, you probably haven’t read the fine print yet.” —MIMI

“Beauty’s only skin deep. So, make sure you pay attention to the stuff on the inside you can’t moisturize.” —MIMI

“Men are visual. Dress accordingly.” —MIMI

I was jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo. (Mimi stole that one from an episode of The Golden Girls.)

“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can help you look for it on a nicer street.” —MIMI

“Perfection is boring. Be imperfect. All my favorite people are.” —MIMI

“A Southern mama is no different than any other mama. She’s just more polite when she lays on the guilt.” —MIMI

“Wishin’ and hopin’ is not the same as doin’.” —MIMI

“I may be poor but it don’t cost nothing to pay attention.” —MIMI

“The real measure of a man is not when he does something right, it’s how he reacts when he screws something up.” —MIMI

“Never trust a man if his teeth are too white, or he’s got two first names, or he says, ‘Trust me.’” —MIMI

“The loudest one gets heard; the quietest one gets revenge.” —MIMI

“When it rains, it pours. Best hope your umbrella opens in time.” —MIMI