The Do-Over

by Sharon M. Peterson

“See, there are moments in life—sometimes they’re big, sometimes small. Some are happy, like meeting the man you’ll marry or having a baby. But sometimes they’re ugly. It’s the moments that make us who we are.

“God, you’re short.” With a snort, I stepped back. “Thanks.” “That’s what I’m here for, to remind you of your vertical deficiencies.” “I mean, thank you for, you know, being my friend.” “Like I said, that’s what I’m here for.”

You don’t think you’re good enough, so no one else will. You can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to stop trying.”

You put so much pressure on yourself to be what they want you to be, you forget to be you. Stop trying to please everyone else.”

It had been perfect, mostly because it was imperfect.

“Cardinals are the most specialest birds. ’Cause when you see one, it means someone in Heaven is visiting you.”

“Sounds like that little guy liked you.” “She.” Lilah grinned. “She?” “I know who that bird was.” I frowned, remembering how she’d whispered that cardinals were visitors from Heaven. “Who do you think it was?” She turned to me, dark eyes shining. “It was my mommy.”

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“Being beautiful doesn’t mean you’re perfect.” She moved in front of me and placed the tips of her fingers, painted a deep crimson, over my heart. “Beautiful is in here.”

If you don’t like yourself, if you can’t see the good parts, no one else will either.”

And remember, it’s the parts on the inside of you that count the most.”

“Stand tall when you feel small.”

I’d spent my whole life trying to fix all the things I thought were wrong with me—my body, my ambitions, my failures—but what if I was doing this all wrong? What if I just needed to be happy with who I was and never mind what my mother or anyone else thought?

it felt like my life was falling into place at last; like I’d spent most of my life trying to be an edge piece in a puzzle and I’d realized I was an inside piece the whole time.

“Just remember, it takes a lot for a person to change what they’ve always thought about themselves.

It felt like I’d broken our relationship beyond repair. Could my mother forgive me for this? Could I even forgive myself? Maybe forgiveness was the wrong word. I didn’t just want her to forgive me, I wanted things to change. I wanted my mom to accept me for exactly how I was. Until now, every single action and word and outfit and meal had been noted, inspected, and judged. If our relationship was broken, I wanted to rebuild it, but differently, better.

Just because bad things happen, it doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path, it just means you can’t give up.

“It’s like this: failing isn’t bad. Failing means you tried. Sure, you won’t fail now because you aren’t even trying. You can stay in your safe little cocoon, at a job you don’t care about, keeping yourself all bottled up. But that’s not living.”

I was still a little awkward and said the wrong thing at the wrong time. I still wasn’t sure of myself, in the same way a baby bird didn’t understand what wings were. But like that baby bird, I’d jumped out of the nest, anyway. I’d tried. I’d failed. I’d tried again.

“Can I ask you something? Why is Phee a princess and I’m a cupcake? Is it because I’m, you know, fluffy?” He looked surprised. “You’ve always been my sweet little cupcake. When you were little, you’d climb on my lap and ask me for a kiss on the cheek. Then you’d ask me what flavor you were. And”—he shrugged, a little smile curving his mouth—“I would say you tasted as sweet as a cupcake, and you’d laugh and laugh. You remember that?”

You remember that life is full of moments, right? Small moments, big moments. Some moments we don’t realize are moments until long after they happen.”

“I think it might have been trying to tell me that loving someone doesn’t mean they’ll always leave you or disappoint you. Sometimes they will, because they’re human. But most of the time, they’ll make your life a lot better.”