The Do-Over

by Sharon M. Peterson

To Mom, Thank you for always letting me read when I should have been cleaning my room. Love you bunches.

“Know your worth. Then add tax.” —MIMI

“Now, hand me the remote. Days of Our Lives is on.”

Even now, at twenty-seven, I spent most of my life being a square peg my mother tried to cram in a round hole.

“When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask for grapes. You can make wine with grapes.”

Not quite like a tree with widespread roots that nourished; more like vines that were suffocating and impossible to kill.

“One day, you’ll need to be the bigger person. Eat all the cake you can now to prepare yourself.”

The fat, sugar, and chocolate food groups were all represented nicely. Oh, and lettuce and some baby carrots. Mostly because I wanted the cashier to know I was an adult.

“A good friend’ll help ya bury the body. A great friend knows how much rat poison you’ll need.”

“Gravy’s done,” Mimi bellowed from the kitchen. “Let’s eat. I’m salivating more than a dog at a skeleton convention.”

He always called us by our nicknames. I was Cupcake, Phee was Princess. No comment.

As Mimi would say, “You can’t avoid the elephant in the room, ’specially when you’re the elephant.”

When I was in high school, I remember a friend complaining about how her mother “just didn’t care.” My mother was the opposite: she cared. Too much. Mimi once told me my mother thrived on other people’s messes.

“Silence may be golden, but duct tape is silver and it’s real cheap.” —MIMI

I still couldn’t use plastic wrap properly. I secretly liked to watch cartoons on Saturday mornings while eating a giant bowl of sugary cereal. I was not old.

“Always choose kindness. And two-ply toilet paper.” —MIMI

I’d spent my whole life trying to fix all the things I thought were wrong with me—my body, my ambitions, my failures—but what if I was doing this all wrong? What if I just needed to be happy with who I was and never mind what my mother or anyone else thought?

I’d spent most of my life trying to be an edge piece in a puzzle and I’d realized I was an inside piece the whole time.

“Wishin’ and hopin’ is not the same as doin’.” —MIMI

if I was confident enough to speak my mind, I also had to be confident enough to deal with the consequences—good or bad.