“I bring joy and fun into your life, and you know it,” he says. “I’m like a goddamn candy cane.” “That’s…a strange analogy.” “Because I’m motherfucking cheerful. You can’t help but smile when you see me, like I’m all the best and most comforting memories you’ve ever had, rolled into one. I’m the epitome of sweetness and mirth,” he says, and I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. I refuse to give him the satisfaction. “And I’m good to lick.”
