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“You know—” I mumbled. “Em is right. Your body is a temple. Treat it right.” “Yeah, yeah, Mr. Taj Mahal.” She waved her hand in my general direction. “I did my time as a temple. I’m perfectly content being a yurt. Soft, round, and fluffy. I hope that grass sandwich tastes better than it looks.”
“Fine. What does Tatum McHotPants look like?” I thought for a moment. He was tall and solid like the Empire State Building. Dark brown skin and brooding onyx eyes. His hands were seemingly a mile wide, and his thighs were as big around as the columns in front of the Met. He was all man and muscle. “Like Derek Morgan from Criminal Minds, but on steroids,” I finally decided. “Lucky bitch!” she whispered. “I love me some Shemar Moore.” Jewel turned to me as the rest of the team wandered in and tossed their bags onto the pile. “You gonna be his baby girl?” She wagged a finger in the direction of
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It had been just that. A hookup. A one-time thing. Wren was coming off a breakup, and I had just made a huge move. Neither of us needed this… Right?
After one orgasm from his talented fingers and another from the baseball bat in his pants, my lady cave expected more. My libido had decided, without consulting my brain, that my vagina was open for business. And very, very desperate. Had I ever felt that needy for Preston? Like I would die if I didn’t feel him thrusting inside of me? Like something was missing?
I grabbed her wrists, drawing them above her head and shackling them with my hand. “I think about having you tied down on my bed and using my hand as a necklace around your throat while I fuck you.” I trailed a crooked finger down the elegant line of her throat. I was tuned in to the pattern of her breathing and nearly came in my pants when I heard the hitch in her throat. I grazed my lips along her earlobe. “I want to see you laid out, absolutely naked. I want you to lay there, waiting for me. I want your legs open and your pussy sopping.”
“Is this just a hookup thing?” Quickly, she added on, “Because it’s okay if it is. I just… I like knowing where I stand with someone. And I know it’s a little weird because I’m working for you right now, but—” “I’d rather it not just be a hookup thing,” I admitted. “But let’s get through Sunday and make sure that you still wanna be in this with me before we make any decisions, yeah?” That seemed to appease her. Wren was organized chaos. She seemed genuinely okay with the idea of no-strings fun, but a little reassurance that we were operating on the same wavelength was never a bad idea.
“It’s just the music,” Sam huffed. “Taylor Swift can make anyone feel shit. It’s the music and some clever editing.” I could have bowed at her feet for trying to cover my ass. Coach Tyson nodded in agreement. “Hell yeah she can. The ten-minute version of ‘All Too Well?’” He pressed his fist to his heart. “He should have returned the scarf. That was a dick move.” Sam and Coach high-fived.
“You in this with me?” Was I? I had everything to lose. But also, everything to gain. I squeezed his pinky back. “Yeah. I’m with you.” “Good,” he said as he dropped his empty coffee cup in the trash can. “Because I promise to fight for you with nothing less than everything.”
Wren grabbed the front of my shirt and yanked me back down to her mouth. “In case it’s a while until I get to do this again,” she said before kissing me with every ounce of passion she had. Wren poured her heart into that kiss, and, for the first time, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that she was all in. It wasn’t going to be easy, and it wasn’t going to be convenient, but things that are worth it rarely are.
I told her that I was going to give her nothing less than everything I had, but truth be told, I needed Wren to give me all of her, too.
“You have some serious explaining to do!” I said as I stabbed the shirtless cover model on the front of Whitney West’s latest novel with my finger. Annie frowned as she picked up the paperback and thumbed through it as if the explanation for my outburst was buried in the pages. “You didn’t like it?” I slapped my hands on the countertop. “It was brutal! I couldn’t put it down. I was sobbing in the bathtub last night because you didn’t warn me about the ending! Gah!” I tossed my head back, fully aware that I looked like a complete lunatic. “You and your book recommendations are sadistic!” She
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“But what if—” “Little Bird,” he murmured, silencing me with a kiss. “Don’t worry about the what-ifs. Think about the right nows.” He pecked my lips again. “Right now, I just needed to see you.”
“Sleep together. Or just be together. I don’t need fancy. I need you and it sucks. This sucks. I hate having to sneak around.”
“It’s perfect, Wren,” he said gently. Laughing, he added, “I don’t know how you did it, but it feels like me.” There was something he wasn’t saying, an undertone of dissatisfaction. “But?” Tatum tipped my chin up. “It’s beautiful, but it’s empty. Only a fool would choose a vacant castle over the place where his heart lies.” He tightened his arms around me. “I’m a lot of things, but a fool isn’t one of them.”
“Do you ever feel alone even when you’re surrounded by people?” “Then when you're truly alone, it amplifies the solitude,” he said.
would rather have four quarters than a hundred pennies. They total the same, but a quarter is far more valuable on its own than a penny. If you judge a piggy bank based on weight alone, you’d think someone with a hundred pennies is richer. People measure fullness differently, but love equalizes. It shows us the few things in life that are really worth it. And I think this is what love looks like.”
“You know exactly what I mean. Don’t pretend like you don’t, and don’t disrespect my feelings toward you by pretending they’re not real. We’re either all in, or it's not worth doing at all.”
“Love is choosing to be with someone even when no easy route exists. Even when the odds are against you.” He kissed me again. “If this isn’t love, then what is it?” “I could lose everything.” “Or you could gain something more valuable than what you have.”
“Nothing less than everything, right?” We could lose everything. And everything was the price of fighting for us.
I trapped my car keys between my fingers like Wolverine. What was that thing that Gracie Hart did in Miss Congeniality? Solar plexus, instep, nose, groin. God bless Sandra Bullock.
Tatum chuckled. “I love you.” Those three words washed away all the fears of the morning, all the worries of the game. “I love you, too. And I’m in this with you. I’m on your team.”
“My place or yours tonight?” I whispered against his lips. “I can’t wait that long,” he said, grinning against my mouth. “You willing to break your season diet of lean protein, complex carbs, and a full night of sleep for a drive-through cheeseburger and car sex at the rest stop off I-95?” I giggled. “Hell yeah.”
“You’re managing too many puzzle pieces. Some fit the life that you’re trying to build for yourself, and some don’t. You need to figure out which ones make something whole, and let the rest go.”
“Stop,” I clipped. “You and I may have started out as a hookup, but you know damn well that’s not the case anymore. Don’t insult me by pretending that this isn’t real. It’s fucking real, Wren. So, if you’re having a bad day and need me to rub your feet while you talk, then let’s sit on the couch and get at it. I’m not just another meathead athlete who’s hoping to get up your skirt.”
“I shouldn’t have said it was a problem, Wren. But yeah—it’s an inconvenience. A really fucking big one. Not just because I don’t want us to get caught and I don’t get all the time I want with you, but because I want you. I want to be able to point at you after I score a touchdown and kiss you fucking senseless after a game. I want to see you in the stands, sitting with my buddies’ girls. I want to be able to walk down the fucking street with you and hold your hand. I want to take you to events and have everyone there know that we’re together. I want all of it, Wren!”
“Us and our champagne problems.” I pushed a lock of hair away from her cheek and tilted her chin up. “Hey. Look at me. Your problems and feelings are valid. Even if they’re frivolous annoyances now, if you don’t deal with them, they’ll turn into big ones later.”
“Every woman I’ve ever been with has only wanted to take. Even my own family—my parents use me to further their own success. But not you. And maybe that’s how I know this is real.”
“None of what makes us who we are to the world matters. It’s who we are inside. It’s not about the four quarters that we’re out on the turf. Scores, records, championships—none of it matters in the end. It’s not about the minutes we spend fighting for a trophy. It’s who we are in the fifth quarter. When the stadium lights go dim, when all the spectators are gone. It’s who we are inside these walls. It’s how we love. How we live when no one is watching. That’s what matters.”
“I’ll tell you what I want. I want your mess. I want you with paint splattered all over you. I want you with your hair up in one of those wild buns you wear when you’re working. I want you with a toolbelt on your waist and a smile on your face. Maybe a dog or two.”
What does fullness look like to you? Do you want a full schedule or a full life? I would never be fulfilled by the four quarters on the field. By the lights and the screaming fans. I would never be fulfilled by a corner office in a city that never stopped to appreciate simple pleasures like sitting on a park bench and eating a lobster roll. It was about the fifth quarter. When we’re alone, living for ourselves and no one else. Fullness was a life with him. Whatever that looked like, we’d build it together.
I had been in the league for over a decade. Every game that I had played was done with the intent of erasing my connection to a football legend and writing my own damn story. It wasn’t lost on me that this was the first season I had enjoyed playing football. Maybe it was because I was back with my boys and a Coach who gave a shit about me. Maybe it was because I had the girl of my dreams on the sidelines. A girl who dove headfirst into everything. She gave a hundred and ten percent, never anything less. It didn’t matter what she was doing—designing a house, dancing, working out, representing
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“Don’t sell yourself short like that. Don’t sell us short like that, like my feelings about us don’t matter. It’s been five months, Little Bird. Five months without a day going by that I haven’t wanted you. So yeah. I’m thinking about the off-season. And if it’s me spending the spring jogging through Central Park while you’re building a fucking empire, then I’m game.”
“Why does no one ever tell you that adulthood is a constant cycle of figuring out a question mark, then being handed another?”
“Everything you’re feeling—fear of the future, doubts, insecurities… Everything in your head that tells you you’re small and insignificant… Every voice that tells you to stay where you are because familiarity is better than failing… Let it go.” I crushed my lips to hers in a punishing kiss, pouring every ounce of my heart into it. “Little birds like you fly through hurricanes and laugh at the wind as it pushes you to new heights.”
“You’re standing on the edge of the world, not hiding behind a goddamn thing. You have the power to stand in front of the universe like this because you know that nothing inside you is weak or insufficient. Look at how majestic you are. Do you feel that? Do you feel how strong you are? You don’t bow to anything, Little Bird. Not to your own mind, and certainly not to fear.”
“I’ll see you on the field, Son.” His words were dripping with disdain. “So, when you’re running into the end zone, scoring touchdowns and having millions of people worship the ground you walk on, remember who put you there. Because when the lights go out, that’s all they’ll remember you for. If you want to write your own legacy, remember that only the victors get a say in how history is told. Get rid of the distractions or my version of the history books will be the only one that matters. I gave you the talent it takes to be great. I was the one who made you. You owe me the same devotion.”
Everything in your head that tells you you’re small and insignificant. Every voice that tells you to stay where you are because familiarity is better than failing—let it go. It’s like Tatum was with me. Little birds like you fly through hurricanes and laugh at the wind as it pushes you to new heights.
“I love you more than anything, Wren. I want you to know that.” Tatum clenched his hand into a fist and offered his pinky. I curled mine around his. “I would rather live with one mistake than a thousand regrets.” He closed his eyes again. “Tackling you was the best mistake I ever made.”
“I’m not. It hurts right now, but growing pains usually do.” Laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, I added, “I got to fall in love with my eyes wide open. And I didn’t miss a goddamn second of it.”
Love doesn’t happen when it’s supposed to. It happens when it does, and there’s no stopping it. Rules, expectations, priorities—love trumps every single one.
Change is the only constant in life. It feels valiant and noble to fight it until you realize that eventually the dissatisfaction you feel with your current state will hurt far more than the discomfort of change.
“You’re a bird in flight. You spread your wings and there’s no stopping you.”
“And I can’t wait to watch you soar.”
I rolled my eyes but did as he said, lifting my arms and resting my hands on my head as Tatum kneeled in front of me and gently dried every inch of my skin. When he was finished, he placed a soft kiss on my hip. I grabbed a fresh towel and did the same to him. Drying each other off wasn’t something we had ever discussed. Tatum had done it to me once after a round of heart-pounding shower sex, and I repeated the gesture. There was a beauty in serving each other in such a simple way. Both of us were perfectly capable of drying our bodies—quickly and efficiently. Humbling acts of service done
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“The pros aren’t like playing in college. College ball is for getting noticed and going hard. Pro ball is about longevity. Playing smart.”
“Now isn’t the time to play it safe. Get out there and go fucking balls to the wall. Play this game like it’s your last. Fuck your sponsors, fuck the endorsement deals, fuck the commentary. Fuck the noise. No one else matters. You play for your brothers on this team and for your families. Most of all, play for your damn self. Turn off your ears and get the ball into the end zone.”
“I said no to something good for the chance at something great.” She looped her arms around my neck and popped up on her tiptoes. “And whatever that looks like for us, I’m going to give you nothing less than everything I have to give.”
“Not everything is a catch and release. Sometimes you realize what you have and hold on with all your might.”
Certain things in life mattered more than championship rings and accolades. It was something my father had never understood. Trophies tarnished and records could be surpassed, but love and family were a legacy that stood the test of time.
“My heart for a season, my soul for eternity. With nothing less than everything in me.”
