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fingernails. My body was animal to me then. I still thought of it as something made to do what I wanted, belonging to me only.
Everything around us starting to die, but only in a removed way, only in the background.
Later, as an older girl, I would think how funny it was to simultaneously want someone’s body and want someone’s body.
Nothing magical is safe, nothing safe is magical. I knew that from reading fairy tales.
The only way to really love someone is to know them. Even more so, Esther thinks, that is what love can be broken down to. That is what intimacy is. With enough love you could conjure someone perfectly in a room they are not in. * * * Later, in bed and not
the idea that sometimes, when we reject someone or something—violently, that is—it’s because we see ourselves in it.”
There would always be something compulsive and anxious about Harry’s kindness, which made me think sometimes about the difference between not being bad and being good.
