Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

by Lysa TerKeurst

They resist needed conversations or turn them against you. For example, when you bring up a topic that needs to be addressed, their denial of the issues at hand and the surrounding facts leaves you feeling like the crazy one. They go back to unhealthy coping mechanisms when they have a bad day or a hard conversation. They lack self-awareness or are emotionally tone-deaf—they are unable to understand how people perceive them. They have an out-of-proportion reaction to a conversation or the situation at hand. They don’t recognize the inappropriateness of their facial expressions, tone of voice, or timing in bringing up certain things. They tend not to own any of their parts of a conflict, always saying, “but you . . .” in response. More times than not, they lack empathy in situations and do not consider how their choices will affect the other person. They are unwilling to honor or respect any communicated boundaries. They do not take responsibility for themselves or their actions and expect you to pick up the pieces. They refuse to acknowledge how unhealed trauma from their past, possibly even their childhood, needs to be worked out so it’s not acted out. They rewrite history to prove a point that serves only them or their version of the truth. Their version of reality is not consistent with facts. Their version of the truth is what protects them, and they really can’t discern what is and is not deception. They let their emotions get the best of them and sabotage what other...