Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

by Lysa TerKeurst

controlling, or violating God’s instructions on marriage. In order to maintain a biblical and godly marriage, the woman’s wants and needs should come second to the man’s. Here’s what this verse actually means: Part of the process of interpreting Bible verses and then applying them involves reading verses in the larger biblical context. This is vitally important in this situation. First, we have to read about submission within the context of the new identity that we have in Christ. Paul, in Galatians 3:28, says there are no longer distinctions of identity or human separation that devalue the person. There is no Jew or Greek or male or female. Both man and woman depend mutually upon each other (1 Corinthians 11:11). This means we have to understand submission through a lens of equal human dignity. Submission that leads to undignified or degrading behavior is unacceptable. Christian counselor Leslie Vernick puts it this way: “God is not a God who loves men more than women or husbands more than wives. He is not a bully, nor does he sanction the behaviors of the oppressor over the oppressed. He cares for the weak, the downtrodden, the bullied, and the oppressed (Psalm 9:9; Psalm 34:18, Psalm 146:7).”4 So, when Peter asks women to “submit” to their husbands, he is recognizing an ancient cultural situation in which the wife would be required through marriage to submit to their husbands, which would have meant adopting the husband’s religion. But for the Christian this is seriousl...