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Where there is an abundance of chaos, there is usually a lack of good boundaries.
The real issue was I started to resent the amount of emotional access to my life I had given to her.
If we’ve given them level-ten access but they are only willing or capable of level-three responsibility, that’s the real source of the problem. The mistake I’ve made is trying to get the other person to increase their responsibility. And if they refuse, I’ve just felt so stuck.
Being aware of our dysfunctions doesn’t fix them. If we want healthier relationships we must also be willing to address them.
that were had but rather conversations that were needed but never had. Distortions of reality feed dysfunctions. Where truth is manipulated, denied, or partially omitted for the sake of covering up behaviors that should be addressed, dysfunctions may not just be difficult, they may become destructive. We need a person’s level of responsibility to match their level of access. Good relationships require good boundaries.
help me not avoid or become numb to the dysfunction that may be present in some of my relationships. Even when naming it, addressing it, or confronting it feels overwhelming or even impossible, remind me that I am not alone. You are with me. Give me the courage to have the conversations I need to have. Give me wisdom and discernment so I stay soft enough to give the right people the right access but firm enough to reduce the access I’ve given to people who aren’t responsible or trustworthy. In Jesus’ name, amen.
I can be tempted to give in. Drop the boundary. Forget the consequence. Reestablish someone’s level of access without remembering the need for them to be responsible.
