Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

by Lysa TerKeurst

People who are genuine and honest don’t go on and on trying to convince you what a good person they are. Proverbs 31:30 reminds us that “charm is deceptive.” I know all this. And still, sometimes I can so desperately want things to be better that I try to reframe reality and convince myself that the person has changed when they haven’t. My confusion or exhaustion, or my compassion, can make me want to give in. Even when the reality of life screams no. Even when I know I’m rescuing, and I shouldn’t be. Even when it hurts me. Even when it’s unhealthy for me. Even when, based on past experiences, I know saying yes in the short term will cause extremely hard dynamics in the long term. Still, I find myself giving in. And when I do give in, the boundary I’d worked so hard to establish becomes nothing more than a passive suggestion or a threat I never intended to keep. Ugh. Then I’m not just frustrated by that person’s lack of respect—I’m doubly frustrated by my own inability to respect myself. When we allow a boundary to be violated, bad behavior will be validated.