Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

by Lysa TerKeurst

In the New Testament we find that Paul and Barnabas had a “sharp contention” (Acts 15:36–41 NKJV) about taking a cousin of Barnabas named John Mark with them to be a helper for their next missionary journey. When I was looking for more information about this situation between Paul and Barnabas, I found an interesting article: They could not reach an agreement, and so they split up. As far as the sacred record indicates, these two remarkable men never saw one another again . . . This dissension between Paul and Barnabas was not over a doctrinal issue. The rupture involved a personal dispute based upon a judgment call. To their credit, neither Paul nor Barnabas let the conflict distract them from their respective efforts of spreading the gospel. Making application to Christians today, there will always be times when good brethren will disagree in matters of opinion. The important thing is to keep focused on doing the will of Christ. That is what Paul and Barnabas both did. As a result, perhaps even more work was accomplished for the Lord because of the manner in which their disagreement was handled. . . . The segmentation of their work did not disrupt permanently the love and respect that Paul and Barnabas entertained for one another. Paul would later affectionately mention Barnabas as being worthy of monetary support in his work of proclaiming the gospel (1 Corinthians 9:6).2 Might it be possible to acknowledge hurt without unleashing hurt? So, lesson learned: some goodby...