Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

by Lysa TerKeurst

Or maybe you have a best friend you love dearly but she has exhibited a pattern of saying she’ll do something and then never follows through on it. Up until now, it’s been with smaller things that felt too insignificant to address. But the more it happens, the more you start to feel you can’t really count on her and you’re hesi–tant to commit to doing things with her. Then, she asks if she can throw a baby shower at your house for another mutual friend. You want to say yes, but you fear you’ll wind up carrying the weight of the entire gathering. Based on past experiences, she’ll drop major details, show up late, and not have half the food that the two of you agreed she would bring. You know you don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with all that could probably play out with this shower, so you make the wise choice to say no. You are still willing to contribute in some way, but hosting it at your house would require a level of responsibility from your friend that she hasn’t previously shown when you’ve given her that kind of access. When your friend asks why you can’t host the shower, you don’t have to overexplain or even have a big, sit-down conversation about boundaries. You can simply state that you don’t have the capacity right now, thank her for understanding, and offer to help in other ways that don’t hyperextend you.