Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

by Lysa TerKeurst

Here are five factors to help you set good boundaries: 1. A BOUNDARY ISN’T TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE OTHER PERSON’S ACTIONS The purpose of a boundary is to help you stay self-controlled and safe. A friend of mine recently said, “I thought I was setting a boundary, but I was actually just trying to control the situation by forcing the other person to change.” If your focus is trying to change the other person, you will quickly feel like boundaries don’t work for you. It’s time to shift your focus to what you can control with your boundary: Your environment What you are, and are not, willing to tolerate What you do, and do not, have to give Your boundary should help set the stage so your emotions can stay more regulated, you can regain a sense of safety, and you can feel more empowered to make necessary changes. 2. GRACE HAS A PLACE IN THIS CONVERSATION