Flor's Fiasco (Icehome, #16)

by Ruby Dixon

“I do not understand how that boy has so much damn energy. Him and Vaza both. I swear their khuis are set to eleven.”

“I will break both your hands, Tall Horn, if you touch her.” The dark, angry snarl comes from down the path, and I’m shocked to see I’rec storming towards us. And he looks pissed.

Impressive female, I think admiringly. She will not let a male tell her what to do. I like that.

We are not supposed to be mates. We are supposed to be with others. “By the ancestors,” I say, stunned. “This is a problem.” “Use stronger words,” she tells me. “We’re absolutely shit-fucked.”

She moans. “God, where’d you learn to kiss like that?” “T’ia.” F’lor grimaces and pats my cheek. “In the future? Don’t answer that sort of question.” “Then do not ask,” I growl, irritated.

“Well,” Vaza says slowly and rubs his nose. “That explains the scent.”

“Always sidelining the vaginas, this damn planet.”

My alien Prince Charming, with a huge erection and a lovelorn parasite.

“I’m going to become as round as a balloon if you keep stuffing me full of food.” “I should like that,” I tell her. “More of you to sit upon my face so I can feast.”

I grunt. I like that she enjoys gazing upon me. It fills me with a curious sense of pride, as if I have done something mighty, even though I have done nothing at all.

I have been chasing after the wrong female all along. Truly, my khui is far wiser than me.

“You are in Icehome,” I reply. “And I am blue because my mate likes it.”

“I. Do. Not.” I bare my teeth at her. “How many times must I make it very clear that you are my mate? That when I am with you I am complete? That I lack for nothing because you are everything I have ever wanted? That the thought of touching T’ia now, when you are nearby, makes me want to chop my own hands off?”

“You are mine. If T’ia was being attacked by sky-claw and you had a splinter in your finger, I would let them chew freely upon her because your hand comes first.”

As I speak, the male alien brings the quill-beast up to his face and as I watch, bites the head off of it and spits it aside. Blood erupts and the women shriek in horror. He turns to me, blood running down his cat-chin and holds the limp body out. “Show me where the parasite is.”

I don’t want to be in charge. I would much rather be the sassy sidekick who just juggles the balls of the man in charge and makes him feel like a stud.

I keep the taters busy with hunting khuis and discussing how we hunt animals to survive, and that while we do not have tater games, in a way, this planet is our opponent. With each successful hunt, we are proving

I’ve always considered myself a happy person, but with I’rec, I feel like I’m bubbling over with joy. Like I’ve got so much inside me I’m about to start shitting rainbows and glitter.

I hesitate and then ask the question foremost on my mind. “Can I taste you? I promise to lick your cunt very well, but I have been dreaming of this for far too long.”

R’slind makes an outraged sound and her small hand smacks me across the mouth. She. Is. Adorable. I have never been so happy in all my days.

“Oh my god, I just realized the taters will be at the ding-ding feast. This might be the greatest day of my life.”

After the “taters” incident, I do not repeat any of the human words.

“I am carrying my ride to her ding-ding feast.” I frown to myself as I stride across the sands. “I am sure I said that wrong. Do not tell Leezh.”