Finding Daisies

by Jessica Jocelyn

our last moments together were full of understanding and kindness. imagine if we applied that during the whole marriage? we probably could’ve made it.

they tell me to be grateful for the pain, that it has shown me how strong I can be. they speak of resilience. maybe I already knew that strength inside. maybe I didn’t need something so painful to show me. maybe I’d rather be the girl I was before. the one who believed in magic and happy ever afters. maybe I’d rather have that innocence back, be that small naive girl once more. maybe I’d rather base my worth off how much beauty surrounds me and not how many times I crawled back up. maybe I’d rather know the girl I could’ve been.

to my boys who I will raise to only use kind hands and to my daughter who I will teach to accept nothing less

I cannot give you any pieces of me, there’s none to spare. and finally, I am not here to prepare you on how to love the next one the right way. you aren’t allowed to practice on me.

one day, I will wake up and have the most amazing day and won’t feel the need to tell you about it. that’s how I’ll know I’m healing.

I don’t recall life before depression almost like I wasn’t created with all the right pieces.

sometimes we don’t see the signs because we didn’t know we were supposed to be looking for them.

when you finally find your voice, not everyone will like it and some may not stay. your voice will draw lines in the sand and those lines will create boundaries. those boundaries will end up protecting you from the people who benefitted from you having none. never lower your voice again