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her physical body went back into the house but not her whole heart- in a way she will always be that little girl waiting on the porch for someone who will never come.
I don’t know how to explain this I don’t want to die, but I just can’t bear to exist right now.
what I want to know is what album you put on repeat when you felt all alone in the world.
you’re like my favorite book to read. the one I keep returning to with the cracked spine and pages bookmarked with all my favorite spots to visit. words blurred from random tears and rips, where I couldn’t turn the pages fast enough. the one that I read over and over even though the ending stays the same. my hands will reach for you- every time.
I looked at her and thought about all the times I felt I should’ve been protected and kept from many bad situations way beyond my years and control. Jesus forgives you, mija she softly said as she stroked my head. I blinked I forgive Him, as well.
anxiety and depression are my hidden gifts. they are the parts I keep for myself. the ones I give to others are the giant smiles and laughter.
I find that you get louder when you don’t really have anything to say. your volume is your compensation for your inability to communicate.
because no one can gaslight me better than myself.
my toxic trait is being convinced that even from thousands of miles away and years apart, I believe that you still love me.
they tell me to be grateful for the pain, that it has shown me how strong I can be. they speak of resilience. maybe I already knew that strength inside. maybe I didn’t need something so painful to show me. maybe I’d rather be the girl I was before. the one who believed in magic and happy ever afters. maybe I’d rather have that innocence back, be that small naive girl once more. maybe I’d rather base my worth off how much beauty surrounds me and not how many times I crawled back up. maybe I’d rather know the girl I could’ve been. sometimes all I think about is her
I am the result of people not loving me who were supposed to. but once I understood that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with their incapacity to do so, I broke free and lived on.
