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I wonder sometimes who I could’ve been had he loved her right had he loved us right.
he was the first man to say he’d stay for always, and the first man to walk out the door.
he was the first man to proclaim undying love for me, and the first man to prove he didn’t mean it. he wouldn’t be the last man to do all these things, but there’s just a certain wound that forms when that man is the one who created you.
how could he possibly be watching the family he built be torn apart while still being amongst paradise?
you’re like my favorite book to read. the one I keep returning to
and he paused to count them and name each one.
I looked at her and thought about all the times I felt I should’ve been protected and kept from many bad situations way beyond my years and control.
I am made of all kinds of good intentions that just never turned out quite right- I’m not sure what anyone expected. I am just the long dark-haired daughter of an extremely sinful man,
no one can gaslight me better than myself.
maybe I’d rather be the girl I was before.
yes, it will hurt. yes, you will be scared. no, it will not be easy
who I thought I was is such a far cry from who I really am- and once I honored her, I shed the people who really didn’t love me like a second skin I never knew I didn’t need.
you need to come to me already whole. I cannot give you any pieces of me, there’s none to spare. and finally,
my path was never easy and things happened to me that I never deserved. I tried to fight hard against them and never accept it but the hard truth is that they happened- they are a part of me a part of my story
won’t let what you’ve done to me turn my world dark
when you finally find your voice, not everyone will like it
never lower your voice again
I speak for the many previous versions of me, from the lost little girl to the scared adolescent to the young broken-hearted wife. I speak for them because they had no voice and now I am loud enough for all of us.
I am the result of people not loving me who were supposed to. but once I understood that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with their incapacity to do so, I broke free and lived on.
